Transparency

Hope is in the Forecast

2012-02-13T17:35:00.000-05:00

When she was just a girl

she expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

so she ran away in her sleep

and dreamed of paradise...

Every time she closed her eyes.

"Paradise" by Coldplay

I've been hearing that Coldplay song on the radio a lot lately. Like most of their songs, I like the sound and groove of it, but it took me some time to catch the meaning of the lyrics. It wasn't until recently that it hit me. The girl in the song isn't different than most of us. Throughout our lives we develop dreams and expectations. And inevitably, we experience disappointment. Usually that first taste of disappointment comes as a child when the gift you wanted wasn't under the tree for Christmas. Though we get accustomed to not having things our way all the time, that doesn't lessen the sting of unfulfilled expectations.

For some of us, we may not be living the lives we expected. We still don't have that dream job or that desired salary. Our marriage isn't as smooth as we expected it to be, or we didn't envision ourselves still being single. You may have lost your job, lost your house, gotten a divorce. Somehow, the storms of life crept up and they weren't in your forecast.

They weren't in the forecast because we feel as if we've done the proper things to avoid them. We follow Christ, we live by faith, we love our neighbor, and all that Christian stuff. We weren't expecting a perfect life, but maybe one better than what we have at the moment--and it doesn't help that there's no glimmer of sunshine on the radar either. In essence, we feel like we deserve better.

The truth is, we deserve what everyone else on this earth has gotten since Adam and Eve: The sun rises on the evil and the good, and it rains on the righteous and unrighteous (Matt. 5:45); it's not like God didn't warn us. This doesn't mean that there aren't benefits and rewards for trusting God, nor is having high expectations pointless. It just means we will experience conflict and discomfort along the way. A hell of a lot of it, too. The key to navigating the winds of disappointment is to not abandon hope. You may misplace it for a moment, as I have on many recent occasions, but don't abandon it.

The Bible says that hope is one of three virtues that will remain forever. I don't understand why hope is necessary in Heaven--what is there to hope for in paradise?--but I trust God knows what He's talking about. There must be something about it that has tremendous value, even beyond this temporary existence. One definition of hope gives some perspective on it:

hope - a person in which expectations are centered.

When our expectations are centered on God, we will truly never be disappointed. The conditions will change. Life will take unfavorable turns. But when our hope is in Him, we can trust that events will turn out for the best.

Even that girl in the Coldplay song eventually realized the power of hope: "So lying underneath those stormy skies, she'd say, 'oh, I know the sun must set to rise.' This could be Paradise.'"

"Anyone who trusts in Him will never be disappointed." Romans 10:11

Stop Waiting on God, He's Waiting On You

2012-02-07T18:13:00.000-05:00

I'm not into reading instruction manuals. I'm sure companies put a lot of work into them, and they're helpful, but for most products, I like to tinker with the device myself in order to figure it out. It's more adventurous that way. Seriously, if you owned one smartphone, do you really need to read instructions on how to use your new one? Same thing with software, DVRs, TVs, tablets, and the like. Some things are best learned by trial and error.

Unfortunately, I haven't always applied that to my life. I've played it safe too often, especially when it comes to matters of faith. So often I'd say I'm waiting on God for something in my life, when I get the feeling God was actually waiting on me to move. Waiting for me to make a decision, and trust Him with the results. If you're like me, and you've made your fair share of bad decisions in life, particularly before you began following Jesus, you might be a bit cautious when it comes to doing things now, wanting to be sure God is cool with it. Likewise, if you've gone to church for sometime, you may have even developed this theology of waiting on God to "order your steps." While it's good to be circumspect in all we do, we shouldn't operate in extreme caution, because honestly, no one in the Bible lived that way. Granted, a lot of those guys heard from God through burning bushes, voices of thunder, angels and weird-looking prophets (John the Baptist probably wasn't as approachable as Joel Osteen)--so they may have had more certitude in their actions. But regardless, they were more often moving and doing, not waiting.

We see this particularly in the gospels. Though Jesus did a lot of teaching in the synagogues, His greatest sermons were object lessons. He healed people more than He taught about healing. He forgave people rather than just talking about it. He confronted injustice rather than protesting against it. And all the while, He included His disciples in these actions. The disciples bonded with Jesus in action, not in Bible studies. They learned on the go.

I believe Jesus desires to teach us the same way--in action. He doesn't want me to learn about prayer by reading the top 10 bestselling books on prayer at the Christian bookstore. He wants me to pray. If I'm doing it wrong, He'll correct me. Faith is more than just believing, it's doing. It requires action. Sometimes trusting God calls for us to wait, but more likely than not, it calls for us to move forward in uncertainty.

In Luke 17:12-14, Jesus comes across 10 people suffering from leprosy. He tells them to go show themselves to the priests. According to Jewish custom, when people were healed of the leprosy, they first had to go to the priests to be declared cleansed. Jesus did not tell these guys they were healed, didn't pray for them, didn't lay his hands on them before He told them to go. They had to trust Him and act. There was some uncertainty there. They could have gotten to the priests and been exiled for coming near the religious leaders unclean. But they believed Jesus, and acted in faith. On their way to the priests, they were healed.

I heard a message about a month ago where Bob Goff shared the importance of getting to the do part of faith. He admonished the audience with this: "If you just read about things, you feel like you're doing something, because you've read, but that's what stalkers do. They read about things, they memorize all this stuff. I realized I was just stalking Jesus, and I was creeping both of us out." Well, I don't want to stalk Jesus, I want to follow Him. And I can't follow anyone by standing still.

Learn to Dream Again

2012-01-28T17:34:00.000-05:00

I was reading a blog post by author Jon Acuff about dreams, and how we should ask other people about their dreams because we play a role in helping fulfill each others aspirations. I thought it was a cool idea... until I had to pause and think, "What are my dreams?"

It was an odd feeling because I have always been one with hopes and aspirations, always daydreaming about finally fulfilling my pursuits as I sit at a table in a studio being interviewed by Charlie Rose on PBS, because I'd obviously have plenty of wisdom to share on actualizing your dreams. But as I've gone through my life, dealing with my day-to-day duties at work and home, I wonder if I've been lulled into a mundane life void of big aspirations?

If money weren't an issue, and you couldn't fail, what would you be doing? That's a provocative, ice-breaker question I used to ask friends and new people I met. It's a good way to find out the inner passion and the heart of a person. At it's core, it eliminates the most common barriers I've found to pursing dreams: fear of being broke and fear of failure. It was always interesting to hear people's responses. There were some great dreams hidden deep within the hearts of people. It showed me the human desire to do great things, and good things--things that benefit others, not just the dreamer. My follow up question was always a bit tough: Why aren't you doing it? Alas, most people were putting off their dreams because of those aforementioned fears, or some other variable.

I'm not quite sure why my dreamy status has dwindled lately. Some dreams have been achieved, which suggests that I may need to up the challenge of my tasks. While others have been abandoned, and I must examine whether they are worthy of being rekindled. In either case, I need to do some self-examination, which is a healthy process. I think we all get to a point in life where we need to re-examine our pursuits, whether we've accomplished them, whether they are still worthy of being pursued, whether they are still realistic, and whether we need to be revived with new dreams.

This kick in the butt couldn't have come at a better time for me. My theme for this year is to live a better story. The concept comes from one of my favorite writers, Donald Miller, who has made living a better story a life pursuit--plus he has books, a conference, T-shirts, and coffee mugs about it, so it's too late to take credit for it. Part of living a better story, and ultimately a more meaningful one, is to want better things. And by better things, Don suggests we must desire things that are sacrificial, that will costs us something, that will challenge us, and that will scare us. So I want to dream again. I want to dream big. I don't want to rest on my laurels. I believe you feel the same way. So how do we do this:

Let's get around dreamers. Hang out and converse with those who have big aspirations.
Examine who you are and what makes you tick. What upsets you and what energizes you like nothing else?
What brings you fulfillment, a sense of accomplishment?
Let your imagination run wild. Daydream, ponder, envision.

This is our year to dream again. To take on challenges and to live a better story. The journey is what makes life interesting.

God Uses Sign Language

2012-01-17T17:48:00.001-05:00

Prayer is a common practice among all religions and spiritual practices. I think most people, Christian or not, spiritual or not, have lobbed a prayer or two up to God at some point. Essentially, it's our means of communication with the Creator. Most people have no problem talking to God.

The difficulty, and mystery, arises when it comes to hearing from God. We have a little trouble understanding prayer as a two-way communication vehicle. And even if we do embrace the concept, hearing from God still remains a little cryptic.

As Christians, hearing from God is supposed to be a normal practice. But aside from those who hear the audible voice of God--which is the minority, since most of us would have an accident in our pants if we ever did--most have to use some sixth sense of discernment, conviction and/or confirmation to know God is communicating with us.

There have been times in my life when I've heard from God clearly, regularly, and confidently, and there have been times when the communication lines have been a bit murkier, as I struggle to discern between my thoughts and His will. During these times, it's important not to limit the ways you allow God to speak to you, nor assume everything (and everyone) is God speaking.

I've always been someone who leaned toward the practical side of the supernatural. I don't see everything as a "sign from God," and I don't know, nor care, about the spiritual significance of every number. But I have been open to whatever ways God would choose to talk to me. Well, until a few years ago. I was involved in a relationship where all "the signs"--both natural and spiritual--pointed to it being something that would last forever. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. And though my faith in God and His goodness never waned, I abandoned belief in "divine signs" as a practical means He would use to communicate to me.

But that started to change a few weeks ago. I was reading the account of John the Baptist's birth in Luke 1. His father, Zacharias, was mute throughout his wife's pregnancy. When the child was ready to be named before his circumcision, all his relatives assumed he would be named after his father, Zacharias. However, his mother, Elizabeth, said his name would be John. The family dismissed the notion, since no one in the family had that name. But Zacharias wrote on a tablet that his son's name would be John, and immediately Zacharias was able to speak. Everyone was pretty amazed by this, and thought in their hearts, "Wow, there must be something special about this child. God has His hand in this."

It's pretty evident that the Jews were into signs from God, and He did speak to them that way. There's no indication in the new covenant that God abandoned that tactic. If we're open to hearing from Him that way, He'll speak that way. Not too long after reading that scripture and reconsidering the significance of signs, I encountered a few signs that gave me some hope and direction. I may not have recognized them if I hadn't opened my mind and heart to that means of communication again.

I don't want to abandon the mysterious ways of God. I don't want to cut off a means of His communication. That's limiting God. And if there's anything I don't want to do, it's limit God in my life. I need to hear from Him, desperately. Why would I turn a deaf ear, or better yet, a blind eye, to what He's trying to say? The small, everyday coincidences may be something special. I may discover, like John the Baptist's elders, that somehow, "God has His hand in this."

My Story, Chapter 2012

2012-01-03T17:45:00.008-05:00

I'm finally starting to develop into what one would call a reader. I'm not quite an avid reader yet, but this past year I was finally able to finish several books in a 12-month period. This is quite an accomplishment because I have a pretty impressive book shelf full of half-read books. There are plenty of books I purchase or are given to me, but whether it's because I lose interest or I find a more intriguing read, I tend to put them down before I get to the end.

I have few new books on my nightstand that I'm looking forward to diving into and finishing this year. But maybe the most intriguing read I'm anticipating this year is my own story, chapter 2012.

Like many people, I have goals to begin the New Year. I like to simplify my new start into one theme, one slogan, and one mind-set to live by. This year, I want to live a better story... a more interesting one... a more meaningful one. Essentially, our lives are a book. And each year we write a new chapter. However, I get the sense that my life is sometimes like those half-read books on my nightstand--for some reason, just not interesting enough to keep reading.

Like anyone, I have my share of happenings and events that highlight the year, as well as life-changing moments that impact me internally, or drama and conflict that come up from time to time. But for the most part, the past few chapters have been the same. It's time for a shake-up. It's time for change.

Of course that can mean a lot of different things, from a career change to relocation, but for me, this year, it means taking risks, exploring new areas, and stepping into adventure. Now, I'm not a thrill seeker, so I won't be jumping out of any planes, climbing any mountains, nor auditioning for The Voice--though that would be interesting to see if Cee-Lo would pick me for his team. For me, the best stories aren't necessarily the stuff of action flicks, but rather they are found in the beauty and complexity of human relationships. I want to take the risk of exploring that area.

I want to meet new people, people different than me. I want to be the guy who starts conversations with strangers in Starbucks. I want to deepen the shallow relationships in my life. I want to know, intimately, the stories of those around me, and reveal to them the story I'm living. I want to invite people to be characters in my book, and become an essential character in their stories.

I say this because my role model and closest friend, Jesus, lived this type of life. He invited 12 ragamuffin strangers to live with Him, and journey with Him. He spent the most meaningful and documented part of His life meeting new people, serving them, and loving them on a daily basis. He took the time and effort to seek out hurting people, those who simply needed a friend, needed someone to take an interest in them, and needed to know they were important and worth His time and attention.

So why is this risky? Because it's uncomfortable. It's not something I want to do, or even know how to do. And it's not something everyone will be receptive to. But it will make a more interesting story than one of mere personal goals and self development. It will bring new characters in my life. It will bring conflict and it will stretch me. It will make me care more than I do, notice those around me, and step outside my personal bubble. It will make a more interesting chapter than the previous ones. And it will make my life story a little more intriguing, and worth the read.

What will your Chapter 2012 look like? What type of story will you live? Feel free to share your goals and your theme.

It's Really Not About You

2012-01-02T17:54:00.000-05:00

People are fickle. If you live long enough, you learn that. Sometimes we learn it the hard way, as so-called friends turn their back on us, and other times we realize that same flaw dwells within ourselves.

Jesus experienced fickle friendship in the worst way, and at the worst time. At His most vulnerable moment, when He was weighed down with stress and anxiety knowing He was about to be abused and murdered, the Bible documents the seven most miserable words of scripture: "Then they all forsook Him and fled" (Mark 14:50). The "they" there refers to the 12 disciples who for three years lived with Him, followed Him, and received life-giving words from Him. But when the chips were down, none of that mattered. Their behavior was in stark contrast to the beginning of their journey with Him. When Jesus started the ministry, the disciples "forsook all" to follow Him. Yet three years later, they "all forsook" Him. They fled in order to save themselves.

The more I read the Word of God, the more I believe that the core evil, the most carnal characteristic, and greatest offense to God is selfishness. It's when our lives and actions are tilted toward what benefits ourselves. And honestly, it's embedded in our flesh from birth, that's why it's so hard to shake. Don't believe me? Just watch a few toddlers interact with each other. They are the most selfish creatures on the planet. Getting them to share a toy is harder than potty training. They have to be instructed, and forced, to be selfless. We have the same problem as adults. Though we may have no problem sharing, we tend to focus on ourselves, which drives our decisions, habits, and lifestyle. That's why almost every lesson in the Gospel points to being selfless, and sacrificing for others. Jesus taught that those who are greatest in the Kingdom of God are servants, and He left an example Himself that "the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give His life a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45).

I've always said that Jesus didn't just sacrifice His life on the cross, but rather His entire life was a sacrifice. It wasn't centered on Himself, but rather on serving and rescuing others. For us, that's a tough act to follow. But we are called to follow His example.

In some way, we have all been fickle followers of Jesus. We may not have abandoned Him like the disciples, but we do abandon His principles when we ignore the needs of others around us in order to satisfy our own interests. In every area of our lives--home, career, community--we must demonstrate an others-first, servant's attitude. It must become part of our character just as selfishness has been part of our nature. My prayer, my hope and desire, is that I never forsake Him by choosing to serve myself. Difficult? Yes. Impossible? "With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible" (Mark 10:27).

Advent: Finding Joy in Waiting

2011-12-05T19:29:00.001-05:00

In recent years, I began to participate in Advent. I haven't been to any Advent services, but I've embraced the practice on a personal level. Not coming from a Catholic or orthodox tradition of faith, Advent was pretty foreign to me. However, the more I learned about it, the more intrigued I became about it.

In essence, Advent is about waiting. And waiting isn't something we usually celebrate, which makes this an odd holiday ritual. Seriously, waiting sucks. Waiting in traffic, waiting in line while Christmas shopping, waiting for a slow internet connection, waiting for a washer at the laundry mat, waiting for your cell phone contract to expire so you can finally switch wireless carriers--waiting is not something we like to embrace.

But in Advent, we realize the excitement of waiting. We relive the experience of the Hebrews anticipating the birth of the Messiah, and we're reminded of the waiting period we are in presently, awaiting the return of Christ. And that's part of what makes Advent beautiful. We're caught between two of the most significant events of human history. And though we wait, not knowing when our Lord will return, we do so knowing that, in a previous time, the waiting paid off. He showed up as promised, not as everyone expected, but better than they could have anticipated. That gives us hope. Hope that our waiting for His return will, too, pay off.

Advent also reminds us that though waiting is done on our end, the appearing is His part. Many of us are waiting on God in different areas of our lives. Advent reminds us that He has a history of appearing. Yes, He appeared in Bethlehem more than 2,000 years ago, but He also appeared in your life and mine when we were in need. My favorite Christmas song is "O Come, O Come Emmanuel." It's a reminder that He is Emmanuel--God with us. He has come, and He is here... with you... with me. And no matter what we are waiting on--employment, healing, direction, money, a spouse, or your first child--He will surely come and deliver the need. He will advent. In the meantime, we wait in peace, because peace isn't the absence of trouble, but rather the presence of God. We wait in faith. We wait in joyful expectation of Him.

O Come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

- O Come, O Come Emmanuel

What's Your Cause?

2011-11-22T16:36:00.000-05:00

I was born about a generation after the Civil Rights Movement. I missed out on the sit-ins, marches, even the 1970s riots. Not that I would have participated in any of them. I'm not sure, maybe. The closest I've come to "fighting the power" was wearing an African medallion and listening to Arrested Development and Public Enemy in the early 90s. I didn't have much interest in joining the #Occupy movement today either. Not that I'm against it, I just didn't feel like sleeping in a tent at Zuccotti Park.

I do admire people who take up a cause though. It starts with a belief in a said cause, and if the belief is strong enough, it drives people to action — many times radical action. It's a huge risk to be radical because by definition, radical is a considerable departure from traditional ways. It shakes things up — in your life and those around you. I can't think of any figure more radical than Jesus — I mean, how many people say they are the Son of God, and then prove it? Not only did He shake up His own existence (leaving Heaven), He shook a religious system, society, history, and our lives — forever.

Nothing He did was "normal." That's why some people thought He was nuts. Even His own family said, "He is out of His mind" (Mark 3:21). And honestly, when I read through the gospels, Jesus says some crazy things. Seriously, how many of us would still follow Him when He started talking about eating His flesh and drinking His blood? Not many. Even the simpler, less cannibalistic things, weren't easy to swallow. Statements such as: Love your enemies; pray for those who persecute you; esteem others higher than yourself; the first will be last; turn the other cheek, and so forth.

I think many times today, particularly in American society, we try to water down Jesus' words and actions in order for them to fit or justify our theology, lifestyle, or politics, instead of taking them at face value. I think we do that because even today, His message is radical. And radical is uncomfortable. Radical is convicting. Like I said, it shakes things up.

I was reading an article in the paper about Katie Meyler, a seemingly average 29-year-old woman doing some extraordinary things. Katie grew up poor in a single-parent home in New Jersey. But Katie always believed in helping others despite her difficult life. During her early 20s, she went on missionary trips to impoverished countries. So touched by the suffering and conditions she saw, she decided to do something, and started a foundation, More Than Me, to help educate and feed young girls in Liberia.

Katie is every bit a radical. She's lived in a condemned home in the inner city while ministering to prostitutes; she served the homeless in various cities; and even now, she lives a nomadic, homeless life while running her foundation. Probably the most radical, telling sacrifice Katie made was how she raised the first $16,000 for her organization: She sold her eggs to a fertilization clinic. Indeed, she may be out of her mind. But she believes in a cause, and she's radical about it.

Katie's story shook me up. It's making me ponder what I believe, and if I'm willing to be radical for it. Is what I believe bigger than myself? How much am I willing to sacrifice? What am I doing for the poor and fatherless? Is following Jesus limited to spiritual devotion, or am I called to do practical service as well? And is social justice something reserved for liberals and missionaries, or is it my responsibility, too?

I have a part in the cause of Christ — all of us do. Like my friend, Eunice, who took a missionary trip to India, was heartbroken by what she saw there, and started a non-profit to help heal those suffering. Or my friend Blake who started a basketball outreach through which he mentors teens every month. Or my friend Lori who runs a food bank out of her home. We all have a cause. It may not be the same as Katie's, but it's one that calls us to sacrifice as well, to look to our fellow man, and to serve. To be radical. To shake up our thinking, and to shake the system around us with radical living. That's how we follow Jesus, literally.

So what’s your cause? What are you passionate about?

How to Conquer Big Tasks

2011-11-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

Change can be overwhelming at times. Yes, we know it's necessary, but just the thought of making a necessary change, particularly an internal one, can be intimidating. Mainly because we see the gulf between where we are now, and where we want to be -- and it's massive. The change in character, the habits we'll have to break, and the new ones we'll have to form seem impossible looking at the big picture. That's why we shouldn't look at the big picture.

If a task or goal seems enormous, the only way to approach is step by step, day by day. Most of us know this by now, but we still need to be reminded of it because the application is still rare. I was watching a Will Smith interview, and honestly, I didn't know he was so intriguing. I mean, I love Will's charisma and his work, but he's a pretty good motivational speaker-type as well. In one clip, he said that if your goal is to build a brick wall, you don't set in your mind to build the greatest brick wall. What you do, Will said, is you lay one brick as perfectly as you can day by day, and soon, you'll have a wall. That's how we should approach the challenge to change in our lives. Each day we focus on making one small change, accomplishing one goal, and before we know it, we'll be transformed.

Part of this steady transformation comes from a steely focus on the task at hand. When we focus on the goal for this one day, we don't have time to get discouraged about how far away we are from the ultimate goal.

This approach has another benefit -- it makes every day meaningful. When we just look at the big picture, and the desired outcome, we can diminish the significance of today. If you want to be a CEO by age 35, you may have benchmarks you want to meet each year to arrive at the goal, but you miss the chance to make each day amazing and productive. Or, say you want to run a marathon. Instead of envisioning yourself crossing the finish line, focus on setting a personal best each day of training. Will you do it? Of course not, but putting the effort, focus, emphasis on each session, each day will often get you to your goal quicker than you expected.

Legendary basketball coach John Wooden had a saying: "Make each day your masterpiece." He challenged his players to focus on being the best they could be every day. If they did that, eventually, they would be the best, period. And they were. It's the same for you and me. If we focus on today, taking one step in the direction we want to go, we'll reach the destination before we realize it.

When God Ignores You

2011-11-11T15:40:00.000-05:00

It sucks to be ignored. Whether it's purposeful and personal or by accident, you feel a bit disrespected when someone ignores you. This can happen at a restaurant when the host or server ignores you, or at work when you present an idea and someone doesn't even acknowledge it. Or, when you smile and say high to a stranger of the opposite sex and she just looks away and keeps walking (okay, maybe that's just me).

But probably the most difficult diss is from God. When you're going through times of discontent, worried about your future, your employment, your bills, or your family, and you seemingly get no sense of acknowledgement from your Creator. Yeah, I've been dealing with that this year.

It's not that I haven't been listening to Him, He's just been straight up quiet, giving me the silent treatment, it seems. I've prayed that He'll change the situation and work His magic -- you know, the tax money in the fish's mouth, water-into-wine, mortgage magically paid off, and a wife that looks like Lolo Jones type of stuff -- but I get no response. In my mind, I'm thinking: "Does he see me? Is He busy watching the Republican debate? Do I need to come back later? What's up?" And the longer I wait for a resolution, the more frustrated I get.

The funny thing is, this is nothing new. I'm not the only one who has felt a sense of divine indifference. King David dealt with it regularly, and wrote a song or 200 about it. Nothing expresses the human anguish we all deal with more than David's Psalms. And believe me, none of us have experienced more pain and drama than David. His life was like a combination of One Life to Live, The Young and the Restless, Days of Our Lives, Dynasty plus a few of those novelas on Telemundo. So we can learn a lot from his life and his prayers. One thing about David is he didn't hide his feelings. He didn't come to God with elegant prayers, or any Jewish ritual hymn. No, he was real. He expressed his anguish and frustration. As Pastor Judah Smith once said, "Sometimes prayer is just chucking stuff up to God."

But after David ranted about God abandoning him and all of that, there was always a change at the end. There was always a sense of hope. There was always confidence God would turn his situation around. In fact, the way I read it, it's more than confidence, but a surety. Sometime during David's soliloquy, God provided peace. The circumstances didn't necessarily change, but peace arrived.

There's a saying that God doesn't show up when you want Him to, but He's always on time. I've found that to be true in my life. Even as I felt like He's ignored my cries, He has shown up in simple, discreet ways to quell my concerns. Earlier this year, as I was feeling frustrated with life, I read a phrase in a devotional that provided peace: "Don't worry about your life..." It's just five words, mid-sentence, of Matthew 6:25, but it was like an earful to me. It lifted the burden of worry I was carrying and brought peace. Recently, He reminded me of those words again. God isn't ignoring me. He hears my cries; He sees my frustration. In His eyes, I'm not suffering, I'm just enduring. Enduring the inevitable conflicts of life. It's a process that makes me stronger, and brings fulfillment of His promises. So I wait, patiently, with a peace and surety that He's working even though I can't see it.

"For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and enjoy to the full what is promised." (Hebrews 10:36)

Teach Me How to Love

2011-11-01T15:50:00.000-04:00

There's this Musiq Soulchild song that came out a few years ago called Teach Me. I'm a little late to the Musiq Soulchild fan club. I didn't listen to much of his music when he first debuted in the early 2000s -- probably because his album titles were written in Swahili and not English. But I've looked past that and I dig his work now. In this particular song, Musiq is crooning to his woman about how as man he doesn't know how to get in touch with his emotions and express love in the proper way -- this, by the way, just endears him even more to his legions of female fans. In the chorus, he sings:

Teach me how to love,

Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost

Teach me how to love, how I can get my emotions involved,

Teach me, show me how to love

Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost,

Teach me how to love.

Whether he wrote this because it seemed like a cool hook, or these are heartfelt lyrics, the words are powerful. I've been thinking about them lately because I'm in that same, vulnerable place in my relationship with God. Without a doubt, I know He loves me unconditionally. He proved that well before I was even born when He sacrificed Jesus for me. But for me to reciprocate that love isn't easy. Not that it's difficult to love God -- I mean, He's the best thing to ever happen to me. The difficult part is how He wants me to reciprocate that love. He came up with the brilliant idea that the way to love Him back is to love others around us (John 15:12). See, told you it wasn't easy.

Now, there are plenty of people in my life who are easy to love. I love being around them, I care for them, and they have that same affection toward me. But Jesus, being the radical that He is, directs us not to only love those we like -- because even evil people do that -- but also those we're not too fond of, and who aren't so fond of us either. For me, there aren't many people I dislike, but there are plenty that I'm indifferent towards. I mean, I wish them well, but I have no motivation to actually love them. Yet, these are the people the Holy Spirit nudges me to reach out to regularly. And it's hard.

It's hard because I don't look at things from God's perspective. I see a random co-worker, or neighbor a few doors down, or the sweaty guy at the gym, but God sees someone who wants attention, needs affirmation, and needs someone to take an interest in his/her life and story. It's hard for me to see from that perspective because my vision is usually focused on myself. And selfishness is the antonym of love.

The first sentence in Rick Warren's bestselling book The Purpose-Driven Life are, "It's not about you." If we're going to live lives of meaning, and truly love God, we must shift our focus from ourselves to others. And that takes time; it's a process. Even when we get it right for a while, we're prone to slip back to our self-centered nature. I have. That's why I need to be reminded, every day, that life is not about me, and it's not about what I want. It's about Him and His love. A love that I have graciously experienced, yet some many others around me have not. He desperately wants them to experience this love... through me. So lately, I've had a new song in my heart. My soul's been singing Musiq: "Teach me. Teach me, Lord, to love. Show me the way to surrender my heart. Lord, I'm so lost."

I'm learning to love.

Small Talk = Shallow Relationships

2011-11-01T15:00:00.001-04:00

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and be a botanist. Not the most popular profession for nine-year-old. Heck, I'm sure most nine-year-olds don't even know what a botanist is. My interest in the field came from my fascination with black history. I read a biography about George Washington Carver, a former slave who became a renowned botanist and revolutionized the resourcefulness of peanuts. So, yes, we can thank him for the modern-day tree nuts allergies.

Eventually, my career choice changed -- like 10 different times. But I still have an affinity for plants. But one thing I'm not crazy about when tending my garden is breaking up the soil and digging, particularly when I encounter worms and insect life. It gets a little messy under the surface.

Maybe that's why I'm prone to surface relationships. You know the type: friends or acquaintances we have small talk with yet never dig any deeper into their souls. Why should we? After all, nobody wants to expose his or her personal business these days (except on Facebook or Twitter). And God knows I keep my personal life quite private as well. So I choose to stay safe. Stay on the surface.

The problem is I do this too often, in too many relationships. I've become a pro at small talk. I mosey over to people in church, at work, or in my neighborhood, and keep the conversation short and sweet. If it starts to linger too long -- meaning the other person becomes a bit too loquacious -- my body gets antsy. My toes are pointed away from the individual, ready for my legs to move the rest of my body along. This was supposed to be a drive-by talk. I expected to stay on the surface.

The problem with going beyond the surface of an individual is that you don't know what's down there. It can get dirty. It can get messy. It can get complicated. And really, do any of us need more drama in our lives? The thing is, that's exactly the place Jesus dug to in people's lives. He got down and dirty with them. The woman at the well. The shady tax collector. The adulteress. He wasn't afraid to dig deep into their lives. Neither should we.

Likewise, we can't be afraid to allow others in our lives, beyond the surface smiles and emotional facades. Yeah, our lives are messy, too. But deep relationships only enrich our souls, and add to the human experience. I got a lesson in this several years ago. I would talk weekly at church with a friend of mine -- small talk, of course. During one conversation, she asked how I was doing. And I responded: "Well, work is going well, and..." Before I could finish, she interrupted: "No, not work. How are you doing?" She wanted to go beyond the surface. She wanted to explore who I was and the complexities within me.

Writer Donald Miller recently wrote a blog post where he proposed that the least explored territory is humanity. He wrote: "Where is there more fearful darkness or illuminating beauty than in the depths of the person sitting next to you on a bus? Where is there more evil or more beauty than in the unexplored cosmos of a human being?" I agree, because when I have conversations of depth, and dig into the soul of another -- and bear my own -- I always learn something, and I'm often enriched by the experience. Every person is worth exploring because within him or her is a depth of beauty, fear, hope, and untold potential. There's a story beyond the surface, and every story needs to be shared. Essentially, that's what this site, Transparency Magazine, is about -- people going beyond the surface to share the story within their souls. So why don't you join me on this exploration.

Kevin is the founder and editor of Transparency Magazine. You can explore with him beyond the surface at twitter.com/transparencymag or Kevin@transparencymag.com

God Wants You to Follow Your Instincts

2011-10-25T17:18:00.000-04:00

Sometimes as Christians, I think our biggest problem isn't sin or temptation, but rather it's over-processing. We think too much. Because of our fascination with fate, and belief in providence, we often examine the grand purpose in every decision and every action we take in life. I believe every day of our lives has purpose, and we should consult God and seek Him in prayer as He orders our steps. But I also believe that we can use our instincts -- instincts that have been shaped by God -- to move, act, decide, and live our lives.

I once heard a missionary at church say that men of God are men of action and that had a profound impact on me because for so much of my Christian journey I had been hesitant to make choices, waiting for a confirmation from God in the form of a burning bush, seven plagues, a rainbow, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. But what I learned is that the more I grew in Christ, the more I recognized His voice and His leading. And the more in sync I became with Him in my spirit and my lifestyle, the more I developed His character -- well, in most areas. Thus, the stronger He became in me, the more His instincts became my instincts. The gut feeling that I get most of the time when faced with a decision has been placed there by Him. But that's not easy to accept, because it's not supposed to be that easy. Surely I have to fast for a week, lie prostrate for hours to hear Him, right? Not exactly.

God's voice and leading is unique to each relationship He has with His children. I realize that sometimes direction in life calls for those aforementioned actions, but those actions aren't means of begging God for direction. That's silly. God wants to give us direction. He wants for us to choose wisely. Why would He make His will elusive? He doesn't. We make it elusive. We make it deeper than it's meant to be. Sure there is some wrestling within, some conflict of choice at times, which is natural to the human experience, and it compels us to seek Him for clarity. But if we have made fellowship with God part of our lifestyle, and we regularly listen to His voice, obey His Spirit, and we are growing spiritually, chances are we know the right choices to make instinctively.

It's almost like your relationship with your closest friend. You probably know them well enough that when you come to him/her for advice, you pretty much know what he's going to say due to your bond.

I was reading an interview with actor Idris Elba in Men's Health, and though he wasn't speaking from a Christian perspective, he said something profound: "They say your first instinct is right almost all the time. But even if it's wrong, the next instinct is to fix it, quickly." I believe God thinks the same thing. Even if we do make the wrong choice, most decisions aren't life or death. We can always rectify it. Change course. In fact, God even expects us to get it wrong from time to time. He allows room for error. He calls it grace.

Saint Augustine once said: "Love God and do as you please." I used to think that was a dangerous statement, but now I get it. If you have a heart for God, truly love Him, and are in the process of understanding His love for you (because none of us completely comprehends it), you know He wants you to live life, not waste time thinking about it and trying to figure it out.

So let's stop over-thinking our God, making this journey more difficult than it is. Trust Him. Lean on Him. Speak with Him regularly, and follow your instincts.

Further study: Check out 2 Corinthians 2:9-16

The Real Tragedy of Dan Wheldon's Death

2011-10-18T23:36:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about the death of race car drive Dan Wheldon recently. It was such a horrific scene on that Las Vegas racetrack Sunday, and so sad that someone so young, and so talented lost his life. Wheldon was a two-time Indy 500 winner, one of the most famous and prestigious events in all of auto racing. He won the race earlier this year.

Obviously in the aftermath of this tragedy, there is a lot of talk about the safety of the sport, and the conditions of the track that day. And with any loss of life, thoughts go to the family of the victim. In this case, a wife and two young children are left behind. But as I was thinking Sunday about Wheldon's death, I was a little conflicted within. The fact that a guy died at 33 is quite tragic. But was it tragic how he died? I mean, I thought that no one should die that way. Yes, it's a dangerous sport, and drivers know the inherent risks involved with it. I can't fault the activity for Wheldon's death. And honestly, though his life was indeed cut short, just maybe it wasn't tragic how he died. Maybe Dan Wheldon died doing what he loved. Maybe he died doing his passion. Is that tragic?

My thoughts were somewhat confirmed the day after the crash when Wheldon's father, Clive, said: "Daniel was born to be a racer and left us doing what he loved to do."

Whenever someone dies, we are faced with those soul-searching questions of life. It makes us think of our own mortality, and puts things in perspective. As the late Steve Jobs once said: "Almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

If there's one lesson we can learn from Dan Wheldon's death, it's that the greatest tragedy wasn't the fatal accident on the track Sunday. It's that thousands of people watched the news of the accident, thinking they just witnessed a tragedy, but the truth is many of them are living a tragedy every day. The tragedy of not doing what they love, following their hearts, and living a meaningful, passionate life. Dan Wheldon died doing what he loved. It should be a reminder to us to live, doing what we love.

What Do You Treasure?

2011-10-18T18:53:00.001-04:00

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matt 6:21

It took me some time to understand what that scripture meant. I'm sure it can be interpreted in different ways, but essentially I believe it's referring to Heaven. It's pitting this world against the next and the pull that each has on us. It serves as a direct question as to what matters most to us.

So much of what Jesus taught was to put less value on rituals and empty actions, and more on the heart. We all can front with our appearance and words while around others, but internally, our hearts may be the opposite.

The Bible says that the heart is deceitful above all things, and who can trust it? Well, Jesus provided a sure litmus test for the conditions of our hearts, since they can even deceive us. Where is your treasure? Where are the things that you find most valuable in life? What do you desire, covet, and value the most? What do you feel you can't live without? As we ask those questions, it reveals where our hearts are. For some of us, our hearts are with our careers, for others it's with our spouse or mate. Or it even can be in ministry or church. Regardless of what we treasure, there are only two places the treasure can be: this world or Heaven.

As much as we desire Heaven to be our final destination, it's difficult to think of it all of the time, or even to keep our hearts focused on it. One of the primary reasons is that we've never been there; this world is all we truly know. Unless you're Don Piper or that kid who wrote Heaven is for Real, all you know of eternity is the symbolism found in the Bible. So though we look forward to Heaven, it's hard to treasure it above what we can see, taste, and feel. We know it will be better than this world, but in the meantime, there are some good things down here, and we tend to get preoccupied with them — no matter how sanctified, saved, and spiritual we think we are.

Despite that fact, we are instructed to "set our affections on things above, and not things on the earth" (Col. 3:2). Sounds good, but how do we do it? By discriminating how we pay our attention and time. It's like making a purchase. You look at two different products and weigh the pros and cons. Sure, one item may be less expensive, but it may be of lesser quality than the other. It may not last as long as the other, therefore, you will likely pay more for it, in repairs and replacement, in the long run. In a simple way, that's how we analyze our treasure. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 4:18 that the things which are seen are temporary, brief, and fleeting, while the unseen things are deathless and eternal. Basically, the things of Heaven, the spiritual, unseen things have lasting power. But everything we see — essentially everything on earth — is temporary, it won't last, and it's a bad investment. None of us would think of investing in a company we knew would fold in a year rather than an established business that we know will be around (think Apple vs. a start-up). But that's the decision we make when we value temporary satisfaction more than lasting treasure.

This is not to say that temporary things have no value or purpose. There are plenty of temporary things on earth — marriage, career, money, friendship, sex (within marriage, of course) — that are good, and that God has given us for our pleasure, so enjoy. But what we should seek, desire, and place most of our efforts and attention on are the things that last beyond this earth. There are plenty of spiritual things we encounter in our lives here that have eternal value, but the three virtues that the Apostle Paul homed in on are faith, hope, and love. These are virtues that we can embody now, and that will last forever, helping us keep an eternal perspective. So our time and attention should be occupied by these three, and they can permeate everything we do on earth.

Faith: Our faith in God and His ability to work in every circumstance can be applied to our careers, marriages, relationships, and tasks.

Hope: We can perpetually live in hope — the expectation of fulfillment or success — when others doubt, or are pessimistic.

Love: We can let love — unconditional love and all it entails (1 Corinthians 13) — permeate our lives through our words, motives, and actions.

So we don't wait for eternity to taste Heaven, we bring a taste of Heaven to earth. That way it's easier to place our treasure in the unseen when we're making it tangible in our temporary state.

The kingdom of God is not something we're waiting for; as Jesus said, it's within us, now. So where is your treasure?

Talk is Cheap, Action is Expensive

2011-10-17T14:06:00.001-04:00

We've all heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words," and if we're honest with ourselves, at some time in life we were convicted by that statement because we have made promises that we didn't keep, and we've pointed out the problem but didn't try to find a solution. In essence, we became part of the chatter.

The easiest thing to do is talk about what we want to do or should do, but the difficult thing is to do it. It's easy to talk about change; it's difficult to become the change we desire. "Talk" is cheap, and it comes in many forms: words, thoughts, ideas, theories, goals, and concepts. Of course any action is first birthed in the aforementioned forms, but if it lies dormant without a step being taken toward actualization, then it means very little. We can talk about pursuing our dreams, discuss ideologies, critique others' actions, quote scripture, and even teach the principles of Christ. But without actions, it's all meaningless. Indeed, talk is cheap. But on the other hand, actions are costly. It will cost you something to be bold enough to pursue a dream. It will cost you something to activate an idea, and it will absolutely cost your life to not just believe the principles of Christ, but to live them.

This is best illustrated in 1 John 3:16-18, where the Apostle John says: "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us; so we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. ... Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth."

Nothing communicates truth, and communicates authenticity, better than actions. Speaking may draw people's attention, but actions draw people's hearts. Would anyone have been converted by the Apostle Paul if he had just preached the Gospel but didn't suffer for the faith? Would the Civil Rights Movement have changed America if people had just heard Martin Luther King, Jr. speak, but didn't see him and others jailed, beaten, and abused for equality? Could we be expected to believe that God loves us if He just put those words in the Bible, but didn't prove it by sacrificing His only Son? So in our lives, the same truth applies. I think that I'm a loving person — kind, thoughtful, and patient — as well as a good friend, brother, co-worker, and companion. But is that truth or just perception? I've been examining my actions lately, and they haven't matched the image I have of myself in my mind. If I'm a good friend, why don't I call or even text my friends throughout the week? Am I too busy with work and writing this blog to check in with them? Am I sensitive enough to notice the troubles they may be facing? Where's the sacrifice, and giving up my life for my brothers? (1 John 3:16)

And at work, why am I more consumed with my assignments and getting through the shift than connecting with my co-workers? How can I be an example of Jesus and a servant of all in the world when I'm all about myself?

If we're not careful, we can easily fool ourselves. Authenticity requires action. The only true measure of the type of individuals we are is our actions. Taking action isn't easy, it's costly. It often requires sacrifice, risk, time, attention, and effort. But it's the only way to be authentic. Jesus warned us not to focus on words or appearance, but rather on our fruit — how we live out our lives. As we get caught up in our daily routines we can lose sight of the people we've become. It's time to pause, reflect, and make sure our words and perceptions match our actions.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish

2011-10-12T22:11:00.000-04:00

I admit that I’m not a big Apple fan. I have a Droid, not an iPhone. I’m a PC, not a Mac. I’ve never stepped foot into an Apple store. My iPod is the only Apple product I own. I’ve just never been I huge tech guy, though, that’s starting to change with the times. However, like so many others, I am an admirer of Steve Jobs.

Obviously there’s been an outpouring of honor and adoration for late Apple CEO since his death last week, as many have hailed him as the greatest innovator of our time, which is hard to dispute. However, my fascination with Jobs came about three or four years ago when I first saw the now famous commencement speech he gave at Stanford University in 2005. When I watched it, it instantly became one of the most inspiring lectures I had ever heard… topping pretty much any motivational speaker I’d listened to. There are so many gems in that speech, particularly the part on death, but I want to focus on the conclusion, where he referenced a line from the final issue of The Whole Earth Catalog: “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

It’s an interesting phrase which Jobs embodied. The concepts and gadgets he pondered were so trailblazing that many thought they were foolish. Before the launch of the first Apple computer, no one imagined personal computers for at-home use. Yet, he was foolish enough to believe in it, and hungry enough to pursue it, and continue pursuing radical visions. Watching coverage last week of his life, people often said he wanted to change the world. A computer company changing the world? That’s foolish.

I find a lot of parallels with Jobs’ philosophy and themes of his speech with the Christian walk. Stay hungry. Stay foolish. If there is anything foolish in this day, it’s the Gospel of Jesus Christ. From the universal acceptance of evolution, to the common embrace of moral relevance, Christianity is seen as foolish. But this view isn’t a new phenomenon. It’s always been this way, and it’s how God planned it. The Bible says that “the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1 Cor. 1: 18). It goes on to say: “But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty” (1 Cor. 1:27). God wants us to stay foolish. To keep believing in what we can’t see naturally. To trust in what to common sense is impossible — a guy raising from the dead. To believe that one day, He will return.

Like Steve Jobs, God wants us to be foolish enough to believe that we can change the world. Despite the negativity and depravity we see on TV, internet, in our neighborhoods, and honestly, in our own lives, we can change the world. It starts by staying hungry. Hungry to see ourselves become the people we can be individually, not letting fears, failures, ignorance, or others’ opinions hinder us from pushing toward our potential in God. Hungry to see those around us — in our fragment of the world — come to know Jesus intimately. Having an insatiable appetite to love and serve others in order to fulfill the law of Christ and to see lives changed. Because when we change a life, we set off a chain reaction that can cause a revolution.

A guy in a garage in 1976 was foolish enough to think he could change the world by believing in himself and his idea. Jesus is foolish enough to believe we can change the world by believing in His idea: “Whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” John 14:12

Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

I must admit, I got the idea to write about Steve Jobs from these two excellent articles. Check them out:

Lessons Learned from Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs’ Legacy

The Secret to Contentment

2011-10-10T14:53:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

Contentment is so key in life; in fact, I dare to say it is one of the most important things in life. When you're content, you can deal with the inevitable ups and downs, peaks and valleys, successes and failures, and joys and disappointments that come in life. However, anyone who has lived even a little knows that our level of contentment is often tested.

It is tested through uncomfortable or undesirable — even incomprehensible — segments in our lives (church folk like to call them “seasons”), particularly when those segments linger longer than expected. This can be a time of financial strain (as so many are enduring now), separation from loved ones or a lover, illness or physical discomfort, employment at a place you hate, or loneliness, particularly if you're single. As such, we have to fight for contentment because it can become so elusive in the midst of our circumstances.

Being content doesn't mean you are satisfied with your life, but it simply means that you know how to endure whatever state of life you're in with peace and patience. The Apostle Paul spoke on this issue in his letter to the Philippians. If you didn't know, Paul experienced some rough seasons in his life — being nearly stoned to death, shipwrecked, imprisoned, attacked by mobs, snake bitten, abandoned by friends, and being single all his life — probably more than most of us will ever have to endure. Yet, he was an example of constant contentment.

In Philippians 4:11-13, he wrote: “...For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” You probably heard the last part of that scripture quoted several times. And it may have been used to encourage you. But Paul didn’t write it as a pep talk to the Philippians; he wrote it because he lived it. He was sharing from his experience. He knew he could do all things through Christ because Christ was his sustenance during his pain and his prosperity... Christ was the reason for his sustained contentment. He’s the only source for ours.

One of the easiest ways to derail our contentment is to compare ourselves with others. It's an unwise action that often drives us to envy, inferiority, and despair. The Bible warns us not to do this where it says: "When they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise" (2 Corinthians 10:12). For 1) We never know what others are going through despite how they appear on the outside, and 2) Our own journey unique with rough patches that mold us into who we should be. Comparison is a contentment killer.

Leaning on Christ and looking to Him during difficult times doesn’t give us super powers where we’re immune to our circumstances, nor does it necessarily change the situation. Only time does that. But it gives us the right perspective: one of hope; one of faith. And that’s the secret Paul was sharing. While we spend time anguishing over how to change our situation, we should be looking to God to endure it with patience and peace. As someone once wrote: “Sometimes we pray to God, and He calms the storm. But sometimes He calms His child, and lets the storm rage.”

Whatever your present circumstance is, remember where to turn, remember to whom to look. That's the secret of contentment.

Facing Fear

2011-10-04T14:58:00.001-04:00

By Kevin Howell

I love medieval combat movies. There's just something about them to which I'm drawn. Braveheart, Gladiator, 300, Troy, any thing with guys bearing swords and shields and running at each other full speed in the middle of an open field. I'm less enamored with the violence than the courage. The heart these guys had to face the odds, and be willing to fight for something to the death.

Maybe I enjoy those flicks because they inspire me. Not to paint my face and fight for freedom like William Wallace, but to face an opponent I deal with every day: fear.

I don't know if there is a more universal emotion than fear. Everyone, in some form, experiences it, from the oldest to the youngest, from the smartest to the most naive, from the wealthy to the disadvantaged; fear hits us all. It is the greatest obstacle we experience in life because it arises from within. It's innate.

It has been a part of humanity from the beginning, when Adam and Eve hid from God in fear, and it has been in our genes ever since. Anytime we have to speak in public, ask the girl out on a date, go on a job interview, challenge our boss, speak up against a wrong, make a large financial investment, or take any sort of risk, we feel it within. It starts in the pit of our stomach. Then, it floats up to our heart, causing it to race. It becomes a lump in our throat, and the chill on the back of our neck. Fear. It makes its presence known, and we know it well.

I always thought that it was something that would eventually go away as I grew older, as if it were a matter of maturity. But as a teen, twenty-something, and now in my early thirties, it's still here. It doesn't go anywhere. The secret to overcoming fear is not wasting your time trying to get rid of it, but rather learning how to move forward despite feeling it. As one of my favorite bloggers, Alece, says, you have to learn to "do it afraid." Whatever "it" is, you have to learn to do it in spite of fear, not absent of fear. In essence, you just have to face fear.

Confronting fear is difficult because it forces us out of our comfort zone and into risks. Risks are scary, because by definition, a risk is the possibility of loss or injury. Neither of those sounds good. So we like to play it safe. But the truth is no one ever saw a dream fulfilled, accomplished anything of note, nor inspired anyone by not taking risks. It's impossible. Think about it: Is there anyone you look up to, anyone who inspires you that didn't take risks? I doubt it. So how do we expect to live a meaningful existence, or get what we desire secluded in safety?

By facing fear we overcome it. Fear is all bark and no bite. It's a bully with big muscles and a crazy look in its eye, but it has never actually thrown a punch in its life. Its only wins come from forfeits. It defeats us by intimidation, causing us to back down by boasting of possible consequences. It causes us to focus on the risks, and not the rewards. And though in reality the rewards almost always far outweigh the risks, fear tips the scale in its favor. That's why God tells us in the Bible, "do not fear," about 723 times (okay, that's an unofficial count, but you get the point). God knows if we can only get past that four-letter word, we can obey, we can win, we can live.

We will never be persons of worth without facing fear. Any worthy endeavor will encounter a wall of resistance. Bestselling author Steven Pressfield explains that point in his book The War of Art:

“Are you paralyzed by fear? That's a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. . . . Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that the enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That's why we feel so much resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there'd be no resistance.”

I think back to those medieval-battle movies. William Wallace, Maximus, Leonidas. Those guys weren't fearless. There is no such thing as a fearless warrior. They were human like the rest of us. They felt fear on the battlefield. But every warrior knows, as Pressfield points out, once he gets out into the action, his fear will recede and he'll be okay. So are you feeling fear? Is it paralyzing you? Then, you know what to do. Prayer won't remove it, neither will positive thinking. Move forward. Confront it. Face the challenge, take the risk, walk into it. It's a weak enemy that won't put up much of a fight.

"Fear is a sign that a great story is about to be written. Or not, depending on how you respond to it."

- Donald Miller, author

Learning to Trust

2011-10-03T17:38:00.001-04:00

By Kevin Howell

While Jesus was in the Temple, he watched the rich people dropping their gifts in the collection box. Then a poor widow came by and dropped in two small coins. "I tell you the truth," Jesus said, "this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has." Luke 21:14

I've read that verse of scripture several times, but I saw it in a new light recently; one in which I applied the scenario to my life. Most of us are like those rich people in the temple -- we give out of our surplus. I know I do. I'm not rich by American standards, but I have enough to live on, have some fun with, and give a tithe and offering. Thus, I'm giving out of a surplus. But, I was thinking about that widow, and about how much she trusted God to give everything she had. I wonder if I could do that if I was ever in that situation. Do I trust God to that degree? Is my faith and confidence in Him that sure? I don't know if it is.

Sure, she didn't have much anyway, but something in her dismissed all logic of holding on to what she had. I don't think anyone at the temple, or any of us today, would fault her if she didn't give anything, because honestly, she didn't have anything to spare. But her faith and her trust wasn't in the economic system of Jerusalem, nor was it in her own earning ability. Her heart was one of gratitude toward God, so much so that she gave even when she couldn't afford to do it.

I believe this lesson goes beyond money. It applies to our time, our talents, and our very lives. Some of us may think that we don't have much to give to God. We can't hold a note and we clap off-beat, so singing in the choir is off limits. We are terrified of public speaking, so teaching or preaching isn't an option. We lack any artistic ability, so whatever avenues for that expression are dead ends. So, we may be poor in the talent/gifting area. Or we're so busy with our jobs, school, and family that we can't even imagine finding time to give to God. All those things may be true, but they are unacceptable excuses for not giving to God.

The widow did not let her circumstances nor lack of resources stop her from honoring God. Her actions weren't driven by her budget, but rather her heart. So yes, she gave "everything she had" financially, but only because she had already given everything else she had -- her heart, her soul, and her will -- to God. It's only when we do the same -- surrender our hearts, desires, and our very lives to God -- that we can have the faith to trust Him when we seemingly have nothing to give.

The Gospel According to John Wooden

2011-09-27T19:07:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

Many times when we think of great men and women of God throughout history, people usually point to pastors, evangelists, and church leaders who've led great awakenings throughout history. Though the likes of St. Augustine, John Wesley, Oswald Chambers, and Billy Graham deserve honor, in modern times, the layman who excels in his/her field with integrity and influence while representing Christ oftentimes has a more universal impact.

John Wooden is the epitome, if not the standard, of that type of figure.

Wooden, considered the greatest college basketball coach ever, garners respect and admiration from the entire sports world simply because of this -- he won. He won a lot. He led the UCLA Bruins to 10 national championships (including seven in row) and an 88-game winning streak. Without a doubt, that level of excellence will grab everyone's attention. But more than what he did on the hardwood sidelines, Wooden is revered for how he did it. The character and integrity he consistently displayed and instilled in his players is legendary. The hundreds of players he coached constantly talk about his impact on their lives, the values he displayed, and virtues he personified. He was unabashedly Christian, and no sportscaster, journalist, former player, or coach mentions him without mentioning his faith.

"John Wooden proves that Christian ideals must work," said Fred Hessler, a longtime UCLA radio announcer. "They do in his life."

I believe John Wooden, who died in 2010 at the age of 99, is the prototype for any believer looking to make an impact outside of church. If you have a profession outside of ministry, you likely spend more time with non-Christians than you do with the brethren. I see my co-workers more than family and friends. Depending on where you work, there are often fine lines between proselytizing and business time. And let's be honest, sometimes it's just awkward dropping the name of Jesus at work. Of course it is necessary to verbalize our beliefs in order to introduce others to Christ, yet we should always lead with our actions. And our actions are more noticeable when they are mixed with success.

Wooden's rings (if they got championship rings back then) probably spoke louder than his words. His credibility as a winner made people listen to what he had to say, and caused them to look at how he lived. Almost as much as his record, Wooden is known for his seven-point creed that was passed on to him by his father. It's a creed of values that he lived by. Andy Hill, who played for Wooden in the 1970s, said: "No, Coach never talked about that seven-point creed around us. He didn't need to. He lived that creed. He was that creed. And because he was, his players got those principles from him without even realizing it."

That's my goal. I want to live in a way that makes the world notice. In a society that is quite secular, and as some say "post-Christian," preachers and pastors don't have the same influence as their predecessors. But the teacher does. The journalist does. The economist does. The engineer does. The nurse does. The entertainer does. The coach does. You do. I do. In our professions, we have an opportunity to make an impact with our excellence. The more innovative, excellent, and successful we are in our industries, the greater influence we have among our peers. As Tony Dungy, the retired Super Bowl winning coach for the Indianapolis Colts said, "...if the most successful coach in college basketball could be that kind of coach, then I could find success in coaching football by remaining true to my values and my Christian faith." He did, and now, I believe he carries that same mantle of respect for his winning and witness that Wooden did.

The opportunity is before us. To impact our world for Christ. Success comes, as Wooden said, by being the best you can be day after day, and ultimately you will be the best, period. And when you're the best, everyone follows your actions, and listens to your words.

The Power & Purpose of Grace

2011-09-20T17:14:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

I've been learning a lot about grace lately, and it's a lot deeper than I first realized. I always pictured it as forgiveness, namely God's forgiveness of our sins, and the virtue we're supposed to show toward those who piss us off. However, grace has become so much more to me. In fact, it's even hard to define.

Grace is essentially what empowers us to live the Christian life. It's not just a concept or a term, it's a force of God. We can do nothing without it. The best illustration of it is Paul's thorn in the flesh. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul describes a thorn or weakness he had that he couldn't get rid of. He tried in his own power, he even prayed to God to get rid of it multiple times. This is pretty compelling because the Apostle Paul was the man. He casted out demons, healed the sick, nearly got beat to death (too many times to count) and still stood up to preach the next day. Nothing shook this dude. But there was this one thing that held him back, this weakness he couldn't shake, and it ticked him off.

The odd thing is God never answered his prayer to take it away. He simply said, "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in weakness." That's all Paul needed to hear. It should speak volumes to us as well. We all have weak areas, struggles that are greater than others. If you're like me, you do all you know to overcome it -- prayer, fasting, crying, self-help books, the whole 9 yards. However, sometimes we need to step back and not trust in our spiritual methods, but rather in His grace. Trust that not only does He still work through us in spite of our weakness, but He will even do greater things in us because of that weakness. Paul embraced that truth, saying: "I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me... For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Sounds kind of off, doesn't it? But it's consistent with God's upside-down kingdom. The last are first; you lose to gain; the weak are strong. Paul walked with grace; he operated out of that power. He didn't rely on his talents, as many as he had. That's how he did so much for advancing the gospel. Carl Lentz, pastor of Hillsong Church in New York City, once said that "Grace gives you a confidence. When you realize that in your weakness God's at His strongest, it gives you a swagger." He added that therefore, we have no excuses for not doing great things for God, because every limitation -- physical, financial, intellectual, emotional, whatever-- is negated by the gift of grace. That's cool to discover, but also very challenging because it makes us accountable. Accountable to get to work doing what God has put in our hearts.

Paul never said that grace gets rid of the fear or uncertainty that lies ahead of us in our walk of faith. That will be there. But that's what faith is, going forward in spite of the unknown, and trusting that His gift of grace will be there for us. I like how the Message translation quotes Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 -- "I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift." That's what I'm learning to do. Once Paul grasped that, the one thing that held him back no longer had power over him, so he went forward and fulfilled his purpose. For you, it may be one weakness or many haunting you. It doesn't matter. God provided a gift to nullify them from hindering you. His grace.

"Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size... I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." (2 Corinthians 12:10, The Message)

The Comfort Zone is the Danger Zone

2011-09-19T20:49:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

The greatest obstacle to reaching my full potential, to living my dreams, and to maximizing every ounce of talent, skill, and blessing I've been given is that 5-foot-5, 31-year-old black guy I see every morning in the mirror (yes, he's that short).

He doesn't look very imposing, and he seems pleasant enough, well, minus the morning breathe. I've known him for a while now -- been studying him all my life. I think I've figured out his tactics. It's not that he hates me. It's not that he doesn't agree with my dreams, doesn't see the potential for greatness, or doesn't realize the privileges that I've been afforded. He knows all that and is cool with it. He just doesn't want me to go through the process to get there. Part of it is his laziness, and part of it is his fear. But I think the larger issue is his addiction. He's addicted to comfort. He's addicted to happiness. He's addicted to peace. Of course, there's nothing wrong with these virtues because we all desire them and have a right to have them in our lives. But these virtues aren't the prize of life; they aren't the most important aspects.

Far more important than my happiness is my purpose, my reason for being on earth. Of course the two are intrinsically intertwined, and that's how we can often get confused in our pursuits. We go for the job, the place, or the path where we'll be happy. But happiness is not an indicator you're on the right path. In fact it can be the warning you're on the wrong one.

Anything worth pursuing will be uncomfortable. It will have some pain, struggle and a hell of a lot of discomfort. Naturally, I dislike that. The guy in the mirror reminds me of that.

But the truth is every step on the path of purpose won't include happiness and comfort. In fact, it's guaranteed it won't. At different stages on this journey, we'll have comfort, but to settle at those spots will be detrimental to reaching our potential.

But he believes otherwise.

Unfortunately, he's been able to persuade me for the better part of our existence. From athletics to academics to my profession to spiritual development, I have settled for good enough when excellence was within my grasp. The fear of the unknown, the hesitance to sacrifice, the avoidance of harder work, and risk of rejection has held me back. I know those obstacles are just part of the process that will perfect me, but the guy in the mirror gets the best of me. He lulls me into apathy by exalting comfort. He persuades me with procrastination: "Don't worry, you can do that later. ... You'll change eventually, no need to press the issue now. You have plenty of time." But day by day, life passes by with little growth, little progress.

Comfort is very appealing, but it's actually a cancer. It sucks the life and passion right out of us. It blurs our vision, making it appear as though we're in the right place, when in reality we've settled in the metropolis of mediocrity. We don't even notice because most people around us live the same way -- average. And we're OK with that. But I'm starting to get unsettled here. My comfort zone is getting uncomfortable for my soul. The pain of staying the same is eclipsing the pain it takes to change.

In essence, I'm having a reawakening. I'm seeing my potential, and it's so appealing that I'm willing to go after it regardless of what I have to go through. The prize is starting to outshine the pain it takes to obtain it. And that guy in the mirror? He's still there, fighting the change. But this new passion burning within is starting to consume him.

Character under construction

2011-09-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

Moments of self-revelation are important in life. I believe that every few months or so we all should take a self-evaluation to examine whether or not we're continuing with the right habits and virtues, and if we're maintaining our character, or being true to ourselves. But sometimes, if we haven't undergone that analysis in a while, or if we haven't made it a thorough process, we get moments of self-revelation. This is when you suddenly notice something about yourself through an action or conversation. Many times it's a positive revelation, but oftentimes it unveils a negative part of your character.

That happened to me recently.

I've always seen my self as a loving person. No, I don't go out of my way to do kind things as often as I should, but for the most part, I'm kind, caring, gracious, welcoming, and winsome -- so I thought. I've been working in youth ministry for a while so I know mentoring teenagers takes some serious patience and grace. They are still maturing, going through the ups and downs of adolescence. I know the mind-set, I've been there. I also understand that they need plenty of love, grace, and discipline, which requires a delicate balance. But as they test the limits of the grace aspect of the equation, you have to step up the discipline. However, discipline still has to be enforced with plenty of love. And unfortunately, that's what I've been lacking recently. It took some moments of discipline minus love with the teens I mentor to realize that love wasn't just lacking in that area of my life, but throughout it. Self-revelation.

I noticed at work I tended to be self-absorbed, numb, and insensitive to those around me. Not exactly an exemplary witness for Christ. Not sure how I got to this point, or even how long I've been here. But I came across the core of the problem in scripture.

In Luke 7, Jesus is chilling at a pharisee named Simon's house when a woman, well-known as a sinner, crashes the party to clean Jesus' feet with the tears of her eyes, her hair, and some expensive oil. Simon, freaked out by the whole scene, is wondering why Jesus is letting this tramp tend to Him. Jesus, reading Simon's mind because, well, He's got it like that, tells Simon that though her sins are many, she is forgiven "because she has loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little."

Wow, deep statement. One that cut deep in my heart. Have I been loving little because I've been forgiven little? I had to mentally wrestle with that verse, first adding up my past sins wondering if I qualify for the "forgiven much" crew. That was quite silly, because regardless of what we've done in the past -- whether you were an alcoholic, adulterer, gossip, or glutton -- we were all in bondage. And bondage is bondage. The woman didn't love because she was forgiven, she was forgiven because she loved. Love was in her, and it drove her to action. So the question I'm faced with is: Is love in me? Is it part of my being? If not, then I can only display it in certain situations, when it's easy to love. But when my patience is challenged, when someone I really don't like is around, when I'm not in the mood to be friendly, then love won't be present, and I don't have true love. Love supersedes conditions.

I'm reminded of a statement from Bishop Dale Bronner that impacted me. He said, "You have to be before you do." I have to become love before I can truly love. It must flow out of the core of my character. It's something that has to be developed in me. So just like those teens whom I mentor, who are still maturing in adolescence, I am likewise still maturing, in love.

Safety from Insecurity

2011-09-14T00:43:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

It happened again. I wasn't expecting it -- you really can't plan for these moments -- it just sort of naturally happened. There I was, at a reorganization meeting at work, as new roles were assigned and discussed, I was waiting, hoping for my name to be mentioned... just something so everyone in the room, especially those who didn't know me, would all be notified that I was important. That I play a key role at this place. For some reason, the fact that I am a key part of the operation, and my own awareness of that, isn't enough. It never is. I needed everyone else to know, too.

I really don't know what's at the heart of my insecurity, whether it's lack of confidence, pride, fear, or a combination of all three. Either way, it seems to get the best of me more times than not. It rears its ugly head in almost every area of life... sometimes at home, the gym, work, church, you name it. It's like a weight of self-consciousness leaps on my shoulders when I'm around others. I feel the need to perform, or ponder what they may think of me. When the truth is, they probably aren't thinking of me.

There are times when I'm free from this behavior. It's when I feel most free and natural. I'm just doing, not thinking. Call it the art of being me.

Pete Carroll explained it best in his book Win Forever. He used a sports example saying that athletes perform their best when they aren't worried about the consequences, or concerned about failing. When they play with a "quieted mind" they can do amazing things. Their conscience isn't clouded with scenarios or worries, so they can just go play, just like they did as kids in the park. It's their natural state. It's ours too. God didn't create us to be preoccupied with appearance, performance, or impressing others. Think about it: He made Adam and Eve so free, they didn't even know they were naked. Talk about being secure with yourself.

The Bible talks about having the abundant life, which is a life of freedom. I came across a tweet recently that described the abundant life as living with "nothing to prove, nothing to hide, nothing to lose." I had to retweet it because it was so powerful to me. It was freeing. Most of my insecurity is wrapped up in those three areas: out to prove myself, hide my shame, and fear of failure and rejection. It's one of the greatest lies of the enemy because all those areas have already been settled in the redemptive work of Christ. I have nothing to prove because I've been approved. I have nothing to hide because any sin has been cleansed, any failure has been forgiven, and any weakness has been wrapped up in grace. I have nothing to lose because my identity has already been lost in Christ.

It's funny the things we concern ourselves with in this life. We're preoccupied with matters that carry little weight in eternity. I imagine the residents of Heaven look at us shaking their heads at our insecurities and the images we labor to protect and project. Author Don Miller put it best when he said that when we get to Heaven, we'll realize that we were always safe. It's a safety that God planned for us when He decided to create us. A safety He purchased for us when He sent His Son to the cross. It's a safety we have now, not one we have to wait for in the next life. It's a security that He deposited inside of you, me, all of His children. There's no need to be concerned with what others think of you when you know who created you.

- live with nothing to prove, nothing to hide, nothing to lose.

10 Years later: Reflections on Sept. 11

2011-09-07T17:19:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

Our world has changed so much the past 10 years. Particularly here in America as we commemorate the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorists attacks. Like everyone, I'll never forget that entire day in 2001. It was my senior year at Morgan State University in Baltimore. My morning routine didn't include turning on the TV, just a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a Bible devotional, and last-minute cramming for class. So I was unaware of what was transpiring in New York.

I headed to my 10 a.m. Shakespeare class, and the first sign that something was off came as I approached Holmes Hall, and a guy I knew was from Connecticut was on his cell phone saying: "It's crazy, they're not letting any planes fly out or anything." I was curious as to what he was talking about, but proceeded to class. As soon as I walked in to sit next to my friend, and he filled me in on the plane crashing into one of the World Trade Center buildings. As others filed into the classroom, we gathered details -- and rumors -- about what was going down. Despite our expected distraction, we were able to get through our normal class. Afterwards, I went to the English department with a classmate to handle some business, as she ranted that this was all Bush's fault. Soon after we arrived, they notified us that classes were cancelled the rest of the day.

I rushed back to my dorm eager to turn on the TV, catch up on the news, and see the images of the destruction for the first time. I was in shock. And immediately, I thought of my family in New Jersey. My father hadn't worked in NYC for a couple years, but for fear that he may have had to go into the city that day, I gave him a call. He, and everyone else were fine. My next call was to the leaders of the campus ministry I was involved in because this was surely an opportunity to serve and minister. There was talk of a prayer vigil that night on campus, and apparently there was already an impromptu prayer circle by the cafeteria, but I was too engrossed in the media coverage, amazed by what I was witnessing. Nobody knew what would come next, where was the next threat. Officers in SWAT gear and equipment stood watch on the roof of the police station near campus. It was crazy. This stuff didn't happen in America.

One of the greatest things that came out of the tragedy was the national unity and patriotism that was evident in the following weeks. Less than a year removed from the most contentious presidential election ever, all parties were firmly behind our president as he gave that first speech to Congress. It was clearly a remarkable time in history.

As returned toNew Jersey and the months and years passed, I encountered people directly affected by the tragedy:

My friend's uncle who worked in the WTC complex, left the building after the first plane struck and watched from the street as the second tower was hit.
My supervisor at my first job out of college, who waited in fear at home that day because she couldn't get in touch with her husband who worked near Ground Zero. That night, he finally arrived, completely covered in ash, but alive.
A spiritual mentor of mine who worked in the second tower, saw the fire in the first tower and felt uneasy, so he left. He escaped, but for months he was haunted with survivor's guilt as most of his co-workers perished.
I even had an opportunity to interview the design engineer of the towers on the one-year anniversary of the attacks. In Tokyo at the time, he sat helpless knowing that after those iconic skyscrapers were struck, it wouldn't be long before they would collapse, causing even a greater catastrophe.

Though we have moved on from the tragedy, and gone on with our normal lives over the past 10 years, the world is not the same. We're fortunate to not have experienced another attack in America since then, but the tragedy has reverberated throughout our lives. From the casualties of the wars that have followed, to increased security and scrutiny every time we fly. Even recently, as an earthquake struck the East coast, many feared a terror attack as buildings shook in downtown New York and D.C.

Maybe the most telling anecdote came three years prior to 9/11 in a conversation with my best friend in high school. As we were months away from graduation, he told me he would be attending West Point Academy. I thought he was crazy to go there and head into a military career, but he explained the clout of being a West Point grad and he'd only need to commit to a few years of Army service. Then I responded: "OK. I understand. It's not like we're going to be at war or anything." Life is unstable. It's unpredictable. We don't know what will happen day to day. Everything that can be shaken will be shaken. Above my desk at my home office hangs a picture with the scripture: "When the earth and all of its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm." Now, more than ever, there's only one thing we can trust and be sure of. Life changes. Circumstances change. God always remains the same.

God's Persistence > My Weakness

2011-09-06T17:58:00.000-04:00

By Kevin Howell

I was reading the book of Luke recently, and hesitantly I admit. I love reading the Gospels because I love seeing Jesus' words, how he regularly dissed the pharisees and scholars, played his disciples, and just spit out-of-this-world wisdom that amazes me no matter how many times I read it. But the Gospel of Luke has these long chapters, and the most detailed account of the Savior's conception and birth. That's cool around Christmas time, but midsummer, I just want to get to the healings, parables, and exorcisms myself. You know, the cool stuff. But as is the case many times, I found myself caught up in the simple story of a non-deity in the Bible. In particular, Mary.

Maybe I didn't fully grasp this before (probably because I'm not Catholic), but being chosen to carry the Son of God in your womb is a big freaking deal! Looking over the scripture, I didn't find anything in her pre-immaculate conception life that made her that special. She seemed to be somewhat of a nondescript chick. She was a virgin, which is good because otherwise she may have been stoned. But aside from that, the scripture doesn't boast of her righteousness like her relative, Elizabeth, who mothered John the Baptist.

Did God just choose her randomly? Unlikely, because He couldn't trust anyone to raise His Son. So there must've been something about Mary. Something no one saw in her, and something, likely, she didn't even see in herself. Potential. God knew what He placed in her before she was even born. He knew she would be full of faith, willing to shrug off fear and take the risk and responsibility of raising the Son of God.

That's encouraging because I have a difficult time realizing what God sees in me. I have some natural gifts and talents, but time after time they're thwarted by my weaknesses. Every time I think I'm making progress, I end up getting tripped up again. It's frustrating as hell. Yet, He continues to use me. I can comprehend His unconditional forgiveness, but His persistence in trusting me sometimes seems absurd.

But that makes me no different from Abraham. Yeah, the "father of faith" was sort of a screw up. Like Mary, there was nothing special mentioned about him before God encountered him. He showed incredible faith at times, yet he also did some crazy things. Like lying about his wife just to save his neck -- twice. Sleeping with his wife's maid just so he could finally have a child. Needless to say, having a wife and a baby's momma didn't work out too well for him. In spite these mistakes, God never wavered from His plans for Abraham. Despite my failings, God hasn't wavered from His plans for me. Pastor Phil Munsey put it best: "I'm a quitter, but God's not."

This doesn't mean I can be content with messing up. But it does mean I can be confident in getting back up, because there's something in me that's strong enough to overcome, and there's someone with me who will never give up on me.

Distractions

2011-07-12T02:56:00.000-04:00

I'm not one to overspirtualize things. I don't see everything that goes wrong in my life or hinders my progress as an attack of the devil. Though the devil quite often tries to screw us up, we do a good job ourselves of taking our lives off track via bad habits, selfish decisions, and following fleshly impulses. However, I have seen in my life how the devil attempts, and too often has been successful, sidetracking me from God's purposes. It doesn't have to be a grand attack, it's often a subtle distraction, enough to entice my human nature and divert my attention.

I've been studying the Gospel of John lately, and was reading chapter 15, where Jesus is sharing with His disciples about the importance of abiding in Him in order to be fruitful. He says the way to abide in Him is to keep His commandments, later stating that His commandment is that we love one another as He has loved us. A simple request on paper, but hard to do in reality. The easiest thing to do is love ourselves, and it's pretty easy to love friends, after all, we get to choose them. But when it comes to others, namely co-workers or neighbors, well, it can become a daunting task.

So as I read that recently, I felt God charging me with that task, to love others as He loves them. With that, I headed to work with that commandment in my heart and mind, ready to spread some love. Now this is where the distractions come in. The littlest things can often throw off our godly intentions -- someone cutting you off on the road, a critical email from your boss, computer problems at the office ... small inconveniences that frustrate us.

In my case, that distraction is often the opposite sex. Not that I'm tempted to hop in the bed with every hot chick I meet, but a smile and small-talk is enough of a diversion from the purpose of serving. On this particular day, there were a few new female hires at the office -- and some regular staffers who must've had a makeover -- that took my attention away from my spiritual task.

Often times, we don't have to be tempted or tried to lose focus on what God told us to do. All it takes is a minor distraction to take our attention off our purpose and off what God just spoke to us, just long enough to miss opportunities.

Earlier this year God led me to read Colossians 3:2, which says: "Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth." That has become the key scripture for me this year. He knew that I'd be faced with distractions... not necessarily temptations, but simple distractions. Little things that would compete for my attention at any given moment. I'm reminded today to set my mind on the things that matter most. The things that last beyond today, that matter in eternity.

What distractions have you been facing lately? What little things sidetrack you from what God has called you to do, or whom He's called you to love?

Silent Saturday

2011-04-23T13:30:00.006-04:00

By Kevin Howell

In Christian tradition, we don't talk much about the Saturday of Easter weekend. Sandwiched between two of the most sacred and significant days in history, there's little fanfare or recognition about it. We attend Good Friday church services and the all-popular Easter Sunday worship service (and the dinner afterward). But Saturday? Well, we go about our business.

It's understandable because the Bible is silent about that Saturday, at least in the Gospel accounts. Saturday is a silent day.

But one can imagine what went on in Jerusalem that Saturday after Jesus was crucified. Talk about whether the execution was justified, question about that earthquake that followed his death, and the curtain of the temple being completely ripped apart.

But for Jesus' followers, it was pure hell. It's easy for us to look forward with anticipation to Easter Sunday when we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior. But the disciples didn't have the book. They had nothing to look forward to, just unbearable grief, sorrow and questions. Despite Jesus teaching that He would resurrect, that didn't cross their minds. Not after seeing how brutally he was beaten and how he gasped for air on that cross. Like any of us who have experienced the death of a loved one, a relationship breakup, or any major loss or disappointment, only time heals the pain. But those first days, weeks, even months, suck. So on that Saturday, it sucked for the Lord's followers. And all they could look forward to was more grief; more questions.

Yet, the irony is that Saturday was anything but silent. While things on earth were confusing and somewhat chaotic, something extremely magnificent and vital was going on in the unseen world.

The Bible mentions that Jesus descended into the depths of the earth, freeing the captives (I Peter 3:18-20; Eph. 4:8-10). Though there are various interpretations to the meaning of that scripture and whether it should be taken literally, we can conclude the process of the resurrection was taking place. And death was about to be defeated. On Good Friday, Jesus took away the penalty for our sins ... forever. On Saturday, He took away the sting of death, rendering it powerless over his people.

Silent Saturday reminds me of Moses in the book of Exodus when he was on the mountain receiving the Ten Commandments, directly from God. He was gone like 40 days or something and the Israelites were trippin'. They thought their leader was dead. No one had heard from him. They felt hopeless and confused. Yet, when it seemed like nothing was happening and all was lost, probably the greatest divine, earthly encounter was taking place. Moses was talking to God, a literally saw Him. A man looked at God and lived to tell about it. That's crazy.

In our silent times, when it seems like God is absent, when we are confused and we aren't hearing anything from Him, just look back on history and realize that when it's quiet down here, He's up to something major up there.

140-character flaws

2011-03-15T02:15:00.006-04:00

By Kevin Howell

Listening is a rare, yet vital trait. I've always tried to be a listener. Don't get me wrong, I like to talk like anyone else, particularly about myself and my interests, but there's something virtuous about listening.

The Bible tells us to be slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19). When God instructs or warns us about something, it's because He knows the dangers of it. The tongue is mentioned like a million times in the Bible, and the dangers of loose lips is reiterated throughout the Book of Proverbs. Though we've all put our foot in our mouths at some point... OK, at several points in our lives, never have the consequences of this been so great as they are today, particularly for one reason -- social media.

Twitter has tripped up the tongues of many loquacious tweeters since its inception, and the same can be said for Facebook, and MySpace before that. I'm not one who is critical of social networks; I enjoy them and use them regularly. However, like anything good, they can be hazardous in the hands of fallible people.

We've seen how teens have done dumb things via the internet, such as bragging about beating someone down and posting the act on YouTube, or sexting, only to ignorantly not realize that they just broadcast evidence not just to their friends, but the entire world, including their parents. But inexplicably, the problem has spread to people we would consider sound-minded adults.

Last month, journalist and NYU fellow Nir Rosen was forced to resign after tweeting jokes about CBS reporter Lara Logan being sexually assaulted while covering the protests in Egypt. Or recently when a staffer at Chrysler's social media agency published an off-the-cuff tweet using profanity on the company's official Twitter account. Seriously, wtf was he thinking? I pretty much got fed up with this crap when I read that WNBA star Cappie Pondexter and comedian Gilbert Gottfried made insensitive tweets about the tragedy in Japan. Of course Gottfried is the voice of the Aflac Duck... excuse me, former voice of the Aflac duck now, thanks to his tweets.

Look, I understand if a 15-year-old girl types away on her keypad without thinking, but there's no excuse for "grown-ups" not understanding that in the cyber world, there's no such thing as privacy (which is why you should never accept your boss's friend request).

"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

Let's be wise, not reckless, with our words, tweets, texts, and status updates. You have 140 characters, use them wisely.

Conversations with God

2011-02-16T01:56:00.000-05:00

The conversation went like this:

Me: Well, there's busy day ahead, I need your guidance.

God: Sure, but there's something we should to talk about first.

Me: Uh, really, what's that?

God: You know, that thing you did yesterday.

Me: (Awkward silence)...Well, do we really have to talk about that? I mean, I know it was wrong. I feel crappy about. I admitted it.... You forgave me, right?

God: Of course. My forgiveness isn't the issue, it never is.

Me: So what's the problem?

God: You tell me. Why did you do it?

Me: Hmm. Well...

It was an interesting way to start my day, but it was exactly what I needed. I've become better about approaching God without fear to confess sin, knowing that avoidance only worsens the matter. Many times I do it to free my conscience of the shame that I'm shouldering, and to remove any hindrance between Him and I that day. Yet this day, I needed something more than forgiveness for a sin...I needed freedom to speak.

And that's why we needed to talk. I needed to share so I could get to the root of the issue and not just confess what I did, but understand who I am, and why I do the things I tend to do. Of course, God already knows this. But I needed to know it. And it is only then that I can become free.

America's not divided, but some want us to be

2011-01-18T23:36:00.008-05:00

By Kevin Howell

Since the shooting in Tucson, Ariz., a couple of weeks ago, we've been hearing a lot of talk in and about Washington about having a more civil discourse, and the two main political parties being more unified. There have been arrangements for some Democratic and Republican senators to sit together during the President's State of the Union address later this month. Seriously? That sounds like kindergarten, trying to make kids who fought over the toys during playtime to now "play nice."

Ever since I've been following politics, which is right around the time of the 2000 Presidential election drama, we've been hearing that "the country is divided" and "we're divided into red and blue states." It's not until a tragedy happens -- Sept. 11, Katrina, and now the shooting of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords -- that the media and those inside the D.C. Beltway begin talking about the need to unify. The sentiment sounds noble, and I think anyone who follows politics, particularly via the non-objective, unbalanced cable news stations that claim to be objective and balanced, would agree that we could use more civility, and less petty divisiveness. However, the assumption that our nation is divided is, well, quite silly to me.

First we have to clarify what it truly means to be divided and not just accept the political pundits' definition. It's safe to say that the U.S. is the most diverse nation in the world in almost every facet -- ethnically, racially, religiously, economically, etc. With so much diversity, and growing diversity, the nation is as divided as its population. Every individual/group has different views, beliefs, values, and motives. But we have, for years, learned to live with these differences. America isn't tearing at its fabrics. We have some loose threads (see: Ted Kaczynski, Timothy McVeigh, John Allen Muhammad, Jared Lee Loughner) but we've always had them.

I find it ironic that this discourse happened to come in the weeks leading up to Martin Luther King Jr. Day. In a time when we reflect on the Civil Rights Movement, how can we consciously say that America is divided, today? America was divided during Dr. King's lifetime, when segregation was rule of the South, and there was a literal, forced, systematic divide of the races. It was divided in the 1860s, when 11 southern states declared secession and our nation's deadliest war saw 620,000 soldiers die. That's division. But when an old boys, two-party system calls each other names... when a group of people loudly criticize and demonize the president (meaning what liberals said about Bush, and what conservatives say about Obama)... when major media outlets -- MSNBC and Fox News -- push their respective political agendas... and when any clown with an opinion and an internet connection can have a blog or a podcast to rile up his/her cohorts, that's not division, it's merely recruitment for others to pick a side.

Contrary to what Cooper, Olberman, O'Reilly... Palin, Pelosi, Obama, or Boehner would have you believe, we are not divided. We're simply Americans with as many different beliefs as there are people. There are no red or blue states... just a whole lot of purple.

Searching for Answers Amid Tragedy

2011-01-17T15:04:00.011-05:00

By Kevin Howell

Here's Part 2 inmy reflections on the Tucson, Ariz., shooting tragedy.

During times of inexplicable tragedy, people naturally have questions running through their minds. Whether it's something we deem natural disasters like the earthquake in Haiti, or the recent floods and mudslides in Brazil, or something caused by man, such as the Arizona shooting, we are all looking for answers. Typically, since there are no reasonable answers in the human mind for matters of this magnitude, people tend to question or blame God. And honestly, I can't fault them for that, because I question God.

It's difficult not to when a 9-year-old girl, Christina Taylor Green, is killed for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can't blame God because I know it's not in His character to cause such a thing, but as far as how it was allowed to happen, I wrestle with understanding the ideas of sovereignty, free will, evil, a fallen world and providence. Truthfully, it's just too great for my mind to comprehend, and too complex for theologians to surmise. As President Obama put it in his address at the Tucson memorial: "Bad things happen, and we have to guard against simple explanations in the aftermath."

Truth is, there are no simple explanations. It's just something we can't wrap our limited minds around. With something tragic happens that's beyond our power, we look to the higher power for comfort, understanding, and unfortunately to place blame. However, it's ironic that when things are going quite well, in times of prosperity, and when man does exceptional feats, we have simple and acceptable answers. We rarely look above to give credit, nor for explanations. Rather, we heap praise on human accomplishment. We applaud ourselves for our skill, work ethic, mental fortitude, and knowledge, not even considering that the triumph, achievement, joy, or success had something to do with the same One we question during our lowest moments.

I speak of our nation in general, of course, and not every individual. But I believe we all fall into that category in some way. I know I do. Maybe I do thank God during great accomplishments, but in times of peace and happiness, when life is simply wonderful, do I celebrate Him with gratitude as much as I seek Him for assistance when life stings? Unfortunately not.

Therefore, tragedy serves as a lesson for us. It's a reminder, not just of our finitude, but also of our need to always live in gratitude.

Making Each Day Your Masterpiece

2011-01-14T00:36:00.013-05:00

After following coverage of the memorial service for the Arizona shooting victims, I was left impacted by the words and ideas expressed. Here's just a collection thoughts that mingled in my mind from the memorial.

By Kevin Howell

When tragedy hits, we all have different reactions, different coping mechanisms and different ways of reasoning. When a tragedy happens in public and has a wide impact, such as the shooting in Tucson, Ariz., we call it a national tragedy. On our televisions and the internet we all live through it. Though death and tragedy are painful, beauty can arise from it... as long as we arise from our mourning, changed.

Death and tragedy remind us of our own mortality. They remind us that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, this week, or even the rest of this day. It doesn't mean we should live in fear, but we should live more circumspectly, more aware of our frailty. When we do that, we pay less mind to inane matters and tasks, and focus on what matters. Essentially, we care less about things, and more about people. As President Obama said during his speech at the memorial: "We are reminded that in our fleeting time on earth, what matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame -- but rather, how well we have loved, and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better."

Unfortunately it isn't until we lose someone that we realize how worthy they were of our time and love. In that sense, tragedy is a wake-up call to embrace those family members and friends who are still with us. We realize that, ultimately, they belong to God, and we just get to borrow them for their lifetime. With that in mind, we become more grateful for every moment we get with them, and look past petty differences and dislikes that may keep us away from them.

The late John Wooden, a legendary basketball coach who later in his life was more of a beloved teacher/philosopher than a hoops guru, said that his father often told him to "make each day your masterpiece." I believe we are capable of doing that, but only when we have an incentive. Our mortality is an incentive. It gives us a sense of urgency... or more so the reality that life is urgent. Making each day your masterpiece isn't about accomplishing as much as you can in one day. It's simply looking inward and being the best you that you can be today, and remembering, each moment, to do what you are here to do: love, unconditionally.

Thoughts on Humility

2010-12-08T23:10:00.002-05:00

There aren't too many times while I'm reading the Bible and come across a statement or phrase that I pause, re-read it and question its practicality and validity. But that happened today. Jesus says some radical stuff, and I've never had a problem with the whole 'love your enemy/turn the other cheek' stuff. But in Philippians 2:3, there's a phrase that throws me off a bit: "... in humility, regard others as better than yourselves." Say what?

I guess that part has always been in the Bible; maybe I overlooked it, or maybe its meaning is just now hitting me. Humility is something I've always focused on. Being naturally prideful, its a virtue I strive for. Obviously there's only so much I can do through my own effort, but over the years I think I've done a good job of humbling myself (namely because I fear the alternative: God humbling me). However, in regularly stepping back and giving others the lead role and avoiding the spotlight, I feel I've become a little gun-shy in assertively taking leadership roles that I should at times. Ultimately, it's about finding the middle ground between pride and purpose... and that's not easy.

However, in all my efforts to deflate my ego, I don't know if I ever regarded others as better than myself. Playing the background is one thing, but believing I belong there is another. Now before you write me off as an egomaniac in Christian clothing, understand that most people who deal with pride have underlying insecurities. So ironically, where there's an abundance of ego, there's also an absence of confidence. Prideful people boast of their abilities and crave accolades because they need approval from others. Confidence, however, comes from contentment. Just think of confidence as "healthy pride." So as I've been developed this confidence, it's a little of a blow to have to "regard others as better than myself." But the rest of the chapter gives some perspective:

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mind-set as Christ Jesus: Who, being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage, rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death -- even death on a cross."

Jesus didn't come to earth with any less confidence than He had in Heaven. He knew exactly who He was. He was able to regard us in such high esteem, and worthy of the sacrifice, because He knew life on earth, as it is in Heaven, isn't about competition. It's about obedience. God isn't looking for us to think less of ourselves, He wants us to think of ourselves less (OK, I stole that from Rick Warren, but he's getting no royalties for this). And when we do that, we value others above ourselves, and remain confident.

How do you measure your life?

2010-11-19T01:35:00.013-05:00

It's a little premature for me to write my birthday blog. I turn 31 in a couple of weeks, but I haven't really thought about it much (it kind of crept up on me). But I have done a little reflecting as of late, just on my life, my accomplishments, where I am, and where I want to be. Though I'm pretty much content, I always have the idea that things can be better: I can have a better job, I can make more money, I can travel more, etc. Though it's good to have those ambitions, it can be unhealthy if I'm unsettled because I don't have them. And, on occasion, I feel that way.

I think we all at times fall victim to"the grass is greener on the other side" mentality, where we compare ourselves to others, which usuallymagnifies what we lack. (plus the Apostle Paul said it's unwise, 2 Cor. 10:12.)

I read a blog entry by author Don Miller that gave me some perspective on the matter. He talked about recently turning 39 how he doesn't feel that he lacks much of anything because over the years he's decided to be grateful for what he has:

"I wish I could go back and talk to myself when I was twenty. I'd say to myself 'listen, don't worry about the things you've been worrying about. Everything is going to work out great.' And I'd likely clarify with myself that 'In the future I get everything I need?' And I'd say back to myself 'No, you just realize you didn't need it. And that's even better.'"

As I look back on the past year of my life, there are some great memories. But my year nor my life should be weighed by accomplishments, events or even memorable moments. Rather, it should be measured by the lives I've impacted, the relationships I've formed, the conversations I've had. And honestly, when I view my life by that scale, I don't lack much, and I've exceeded my expectations.

How about you? Are you caught up in making accomplishments, measuring yourself by where you are in life? Or can you take a step back, and see the influence you have on others. Ultimately, that's what matters.

Average People + extraordinary faith = a beautiful story

2010-11-18T02:45:00.008-05:00

Faith is a beautiful thing. Though it's not something we can necessarily see, we do witness its results when it's put into action. And when we see them, it's awesome and inspiring.

I came across a story of faith and inspiration yesterday. It's the story of Jordan and Danielle. Jordan is a casual friend of mine whom I met in college. I met his wife, Danielle, one time while the two were engaged. I'm not particularly close to Jordan, but I know him enough to know he's a man of faith and character. We pretty much keep in touch via facebook (like the other 498 million social network addicts do). Not long after his marriage, I noticed some posts about praying for his wife, who was diagnosed with cancer. I wasn't sure of the severity of the prognosis, but I was hurt. Hurt to know that a young, newlywed couple was facing such a trial early in their marriage. I could only imagine what Jordan was going through. So I prayed.

Throughout the ordeal, any update he gave was full of faith and belief in God's healing power. And eventually, this past October, she was cancer free. I learned more of the back story yesterday, as mutual friends of ours started a fundraising campaign to help support them financially. Danielle was actually given only four months to live in June...four months later, there is no trace of cancer.

I believe God is a healer. Not only because He does it throughout the Bible, but I've seen it in modern times... Jordan's story being the most recent miracle. Reading their story yesterday inspired my faith. It challenged me to further build my faith. It reminded me of the power behind our faith...the power of our loving God.

We all will go through trials, but by faith we can overcome every one of them. I think of the definition of faith in Hebrews 11:1 that says "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Faith is more than just wishing things will get better, it's the evidence that they will get better. It's a belief that trusts and expects God to be faithful. I believe that's the type of faith Jordan had. It's the type of faith that I've at times expressed, yet in times have lacked.

Today, I'm reminded of the beauty of faith. The power it has to give us beauty for ashes. And how, among us, there are present-day stories of ordinary people, just like us, seeing God do extraordinary things, because they believe.

*Inspired? I encourage you to donate to the beautiful couple with an inspiring story. Any amount is welcome and prayer is appreciated. http://funds.gofundme.com/1656k

Feeling needy

2010-11-06T01:50:00.007-04:00

I need God.

Like, really need Him.

For many Christians this isn't a surprising statement, because to come to the faith, you have to realize your need for Him. But lately, it's been running through my mind and resonating in my soul that I need Him...like really, really need Him.

I've been wondering how many of us actually live like we need Him, or do we live like He's important in our lives. I believe there's a difference, and I'vebeen doing the latter.

God is definitely a priority in my life; I talk to Him regularly, and much of what I do revolves around my relationship with Him. However, as much as He's involved in my life, I have a sense that, if my life gets busy enough, if I get the promotion or new career that I want, if I'm making six figures and eventually start my own family, His order in my priorities could drop. I could become an average Christian, go to church on Sundays, tithe, say a brief prayer before bed, and only seek after Him when I have a need. I guess that type of life if acceptable, and even somewhat commendable... however, it's also a fallacy.

The idea that I could merely "fit" God into my life, and call on Him when in need just doesn't equate, because I'm always in need. I'm always in need of His grace. I'm always in need of peace and direction. Even making God a priority, or valuing Him as important in my life is not enough. It sells short His supremacy, and overvalues my ability. The Bible says that apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5).

I think it's time I accept that and live like that. Live in need. Because if I don't view my relationship with Him as a life-sustaining necessity, then I can end up devaluing His worth, and settling for a self-sustained life. Which, at best, is a mediocre life.

*More thoughts on grace coming in re-launch of Transparencymag.com this week. Look out for it.

Another Sad Love Song

2010-06-23T02:23:00.014-04:00

As I was flipping through the radio the other day, trying to find the right sound for my mood, I noticed from station to station everyone was singing about the same thing — love and relationships. Obviously this was no epiphany, most genres of music primarily deal with those themes; however, I wasn’t in the mood to hear “Oh my gosh, I’m so in love,” nor anything Trey Songz, Katy Perry, or Adam Lambert had to offer. As I thought about it, music from as far back as I can remember has always been about love and relationships. It sort of makes sense because, in essence, life is about relationships; therefore, every form of entertainment — be it movies, television, music, or theater — usually involves a romantic relationship in its expression. It’s part of the artistic formula because we all can relate to it. There are certain elements of storytelling that work and connect with the audience, so you have to stick to them, and love and romance is one of those elements…OK, it’s the primary element.

You have to admit though, it has become pretty excessive, and when there’s excess, there’s little creativity. Seriously, how many ways can you present the same theme? It’s just packaged differently — Alicia Keys for the urban-soul crowd, Carrie Underwood for the country folks, Justin Bieber for the teeny-boppers — but they’re all saying the same thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with love songs, but the music that resonates most is that which transcends convention. Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On?” is far more celebrated than “Let’s Get it On” (well, artistically speaking, not sensually). Just look at the most recent winners for Song or Record of the Year at the Grammys: Kings of Leon’s Use Somebody in 2010, Coldplay’s Viva la Vida in ’09, Amy Winehouse’s Rehab in ’08, and The Dixie Chicks’ Not Ready to Make Nice in ’07. These songs explore themes outside of love clichés. The fact that it’s easy to make a song about love or relationships is symbolic ofour culture’s casual approach to the same. Love is something we try then ditch when it gets difficult, complicated, stressful, boring, or too demanding. As easily as we flip through the slow jams on our iPods, our society moves from relationship to relationship looking for a love better than the previous one. Yet we can’t find real love when our concept of a relationship is based on a Mary J. Blige song.

Though art does imitate life, it rarely presents a balanced depiction of the multifaceted nature of love. So we’re inundated with shallow, fairy tale-like expressions of romance that tickle our emotions and leave us with unrealistic expectations for relationships. Now of course as adults we’re supposed to be sound enough to separate real life from what Ne-Yo sings about, but when you hear the same thing constantly, it starts to affect you. Not only can it distort our concept of love, but it can also bait us into discontent if we’re not involved with someone. For the most part I don’t listen to much R&B (or even some pop music) for those reasons. Being single, if I listen to these types of songs regularly they plant seeds of discontent in my emotions. Inevitably, it stirs up feelings of loneliness, lust, and envy as I develop an unhealthy desire for something that I lack. Granted, though I naturally desire a relationship, it’s not something that consumes my thoughts. Contrary to the famous line from Jerry McGuire, no one “completes me.” God has already made me whole.

This is not a knock on artistic expression, nor a call for more creativity from the music industry (though that would be appreciated). It’s simply an observation that the love that’s pushed through the airwaves is a fabrication. Love is not an emotion – it’s a decision, it’s a commitment, it’s a process. It’s nothing you fall into and fall out of…you grow into love. So no matter how many times you hear “Crazy in Love,” “You Belong to Me,” or “There Goes My Baby,” realize it’s just another sad attempt at a love song.

Redemptive Value in Reality TV

2010-05-15T21:40:00.011-04:00

I'm not much of a TV watcher, and definitely don't watch much reality TV. When the phenomena first got legs years ago on network television -- years after it had already become a mainstay of MTV's programming -- I didn't believe that it would last this long, where year after year, new shows are added across all channels. I think I saw that The Weather Channel was adding a reality series....The Weather Channel?!

The irony is that reality TV is far from realistic. Most participants are attempting to grab their 15 minutes of fame, selling out all dignity in hopes of becoming wealthy and worthy of attention. This obviously leads to crude and lewd behavior (see "Jersey Shore," or any show with "Jersey" in the title). However, I recently stumbled upon moments of true "reality" and meaningfulness in a couple of shows.

Earlier this year, a friend told me about the show Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. I wasn't particularly interested in watching a show about sex addicts, nor hearing about their exploits (especially being a single guy trying to abstain). But I checked out one episode and was pleasantly surprised. Most reality shows or anything out of Hollywood glamorizes a promiscuous lifestyle and pushes the "hook-up" culture and casual sex as the coolest thing to do. However this program showed the opposite side. It showed how promiscuity ruined these people's lives to the point their marriages were destroyed, they couldn't maintain a monogamous relationship, their careers were ruined, and they felt out of control. One guy, pro surfer James Lovett, became sexually active at about 13 and throughout his life couldn't keep friends because he ended up sleeping with their girlfriends/wives. That's true reality. It gets underneath the deception and the facades. It shows the consequences of living it up like MTV Spring Break or, (smh) Jersey Shore. It gets past the physical pleasure to the emotional, social and psychological consequences. I recall reading an article on CNN.com about the prevalence of college students hooking up for random sexual encounters at parties, and one commenter said that it's great sex and harmless as long as you use a condom. But as a youth pastor friend of mine says, "they don't make condoms to protect your heart."

The other show I stumbled across was What Chilli Wants, which apparently is about the former TLC star trying to find a man. I only caught one segment of the episode but had to check it out, because when you're flipping channels and you see Chilli, well you have to pause (I had crush on all three members of the group back in the day). Anyway, Chilli was talking to a therapist about her past relationships (with producer Dallas Austin and singer Usher), and she revealed that early in her career she got pregnant by Austin. She said she was 20, and with all that was going on in her career and pressure from Austin, she terminated the pregnancy. It was her biggest regret, and she said she cried daily for years about it.

What struck me about this scene was the fact of another ill social norm being exposed. Nobody says having abortion is an easy decision, but we make it appear to be an easy escape. It's your choice; it's your body. But again, society focuses on the physical aspects, ignoring the internal consequences. Nearly 20 years later, Chilli is still emotional about making that mistake and it has impacted her relationships til this day.

I don't know if I'll keep watching Chilli's show (I'm a little upset I wasn't contacted to be one of her dates), or if I'll look back at the first season of Sex Rehab. But I'm glad, after years of pseudo-reality shows, we're finally getting a reality check.

The Book of Eli

2010-01-18T02:46:00.007-05:00

*This blog post includes some spoilers if you haven't yet seen the movie...read at your own risk.

To say I don't get out to movies much is a bit of an understatement (solar eclipses happen more often). But Sunday night I decided to catch the new Denzel Washington flick, The Book of Eli. I liked the trailer I saw of it a few weeks ago, and a friend amped it up a bit on Facebook. Plus, Denzel has never disappointed me on screen...well, except for He Got Game, but I blame that on Spike Lee casting the world's worst-acting athlete as the co-star instead of a real actor (seriously, he couldn't find a young, tall, black male in Hollywood who could make a jump shot?).

Anyway, back to Eli. I knew going into the film that it had some biblical themes, but I had no idea the Bible was the theme. Seriously, there hasn't been this much scripture quoted in a major Hollywood production since The Passion of the Christ. The story takes place in post-apocalypse war time where human life is scarce, almost everything is destroyed from nuclear fallout, there's no law or civilization, and people kill others for shoes or an ounce of water (not unlike our BET-infused urban culture, where kids are shot over Jordans & 40 ounces).

In this new era, all religious documents have been destroyed, save for the one King James Bible Eli guards with his life. Thus no one, in particular the younger generation, has any concept of God, religion or the Bible...in fact, most can't read. Eli, led by God, is on a mission to preserve the Holy Scriptures and get it in the right hands. Meanwhile, his nemesis knows the power of the book, and wants to get it in order to control people (since, of course, corrupt people have historically used the Bible to corrupt & control -- see slavery & colonialism).

I won't further spoil the storyline, because that's not the point. What touched me, and inspired me, is how relevant the movie is to our times. There generally is a lack of knowledge or care of God, our very creator, from Generation X on down (anyone in the post-baby boomer era). Because of it, society is suffering, and individuals are suffering in spiritual desolation, and don't even know it. It's funny, as the credits rolled at the end, I got the sense that many in theater were a little lost, not understanding the point of the flick, or weren't expecting such a "Christian" film. Of course, times like these are "God moments," opportunities He avails us with to share the faith with others. In the parking lot, my friend and I encountered a guy ranting on how "he wants his money back for Denzel putting out that bulls--t." He was pretty hostile toward religion, but we were able to briefly converse, not debate (since it's not wise to further rile a black man angry about losing money). We simply let him know that God is good and He loves him.

And I think that was the theme of the flick. At the end, after Eli dies, his female disciple, Solara, heads back home to her town, despite the deadly threats that surely face her. She could stay in the civilization they found and be safe. But she chooses to venture back to her hostile home to share the truth with those who need it rather than settling for what's safe. That's what we're called to do every day.

*if you haven't seen the movie, go and please, start a conversation with others afterwards, it's a great opportunity to share the truth.

The Need for Community

2010-01-12T01:59:00.004-05:00

I just completed Day 1 of a five-day fast. I usually don't publicize (in any form) when I fast, but this is a corporate consecration with the youth ministry at my church. I've never been a big fan of fasting -- mainly because I'm a big fan of eating -- but I've been looking forward to this one. There's something about the start of a new year and all the hopes, possibilities, expectations and newness it brings. And starting the year with a fast helps focus and gives direction for the next 12-month journey.

Essentially a fast is a time to discipline the body, mind and soul, as well as spend time with God. I haven't penned any New Year's resolutions (or goals as I like to call them) yet, though I have a few in my mind. I kind of got a slow start on the 2010 plan, but am using this week as time to focus on God and what He'd have me do this year. One thing is clear, just from recent experiences, is there's a greater need to embrace community.

Community has been a popular term in recent years within postmodern Christendom. It refers to not necessarily church, but rather a group of people (small or large, usually within the same geographic parameters) who venture to grow together, usually spiritually and socially, by spending time together, sharing their lives and being an encouragement to one another. I think I've always liked the idea of community, but I believe there's a need, and now is the time, to make an effort to participate, expand and even initiate this type of community.

I few buddies of mine usually get together on Wednesday nights just to hang out, eat and watch sports. It's great midweek bonding. This year, we're taking it to the next step, holding a small-group Bible study at least once a month during these gatherings. It was kind of on my heart to do this, since we already get together and, of course, talk about God and our lives. Now we're going to dig deeper, invite more people and expand the community.

Even earlier tonight, as several of the workers from our youth ministry assembled to pray as part of our fast, there was something powerful about us being together. I had taken time to pray and worship at home, yet together, it was even better. If I was fasting on my own, I'm sure it would be effective and fulfilling. But when it's several people, with a common purpose, sacrificing for something greater than themselves, it carries more weight...and it's easier to skip the coffee and doughnut (or sandwich from Panera), when others are doing it too.

I'm working on an article about knowing our neighbors that will touch on the need for us to create and embrace community. It will be in an upcoming issue of Transparencymag.com. I leave you with these thoughts on what a community can do:

"Fads begin from the top down; movements from the bottom up."
- Robert Naisbitt

"Two are better than one, because they have a good (more satisfying) reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up."
- King Solomon, Ecc. 4:9-10

30 at 30: Lessons I've learned the past 30 years

2009-12-03T02:07:00.012-05:00

Somehow, the age of 30 has snuck up on me. I mean I always knew it was lurking, especially as friends began to enter their third decade, but when I think about it, it's kinda crazy that I'm this old. Well, actually it's not old...that's something you think when you're 21. But when you enter those late 20s, you realize that your life isn't going to end at 30, and you're not reserved to staying home on weekends watching TV Land, going to a chiropractor, and applying Just for Men hair coloring twice a week.

I realize there's truth to Jay-Z saying 30 is the new 20, but at the same time, 30 is still 30. Meaning that though I may feel like a 20-year-old, I sure as heck better not act like one. So there's a balance to this 30 thing. I'm too old to chill on a college campus, but I can still be grown & sexy as I shop at the grocery store or clean the gutters (responsibility comes with 30). So here are a few things I've figured out along my journey the past 30 years, in random order.

1. Peer pressure doesn't magically disappear after high school. It exists even as a professional.

2. Grown men have insecurities. I know, because I'm one of them.

3. The most powerful force on earth is a made-up mind. Whether for good or evil, we can accomplish anything...if we believe it.

4. Confidence is the greatest commodity. In any area of life, having confidence is 70 percent of your success.

5. Fear is a universal, yet weak enemy. It literally sucks the life out of the majority, intimidating us from following dreams, going after the girl (or guy), trying something different, or taking any risks. Yet, in itself, fear has no power. We empower it by cowering to it.

6. If you shaved your head in the mid-1990's because you listened to Onyx, then you probably have a receding hairline now. Yeah, I'm in that category.

7. God does not make us accountable for what people think of us. We're accountable for what we think about other people.

8. The American education system sort of sucks. Case in point: I have yet to use an algebraic equation in my career. Yet I've had to make a budget, balance my check book, and pick mutual funds. Did I learn any of those things in public school? Nope. They won't teach you about a 401k, but they'll make sure you know 2n + 9 = x - 5.

9. Always be yourself. Especially on a job interview or in a relationship. Trying to impress someone is too stressful. I learned being me is easy. You like me or not. This is who I am.

10. Most people don't listen, they're just waiting for their chance to speak. As God says: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak..." (James 1:19). Yet, when it's time to speak, speak up. Because as the self-proclaimed philosopher Kayne West once said: "Shy is next to stupid."

11. People listen to a song's beat, not it's words. The masses will support and dance to any song with a dope beat, no matter the lyrics. If we took a Hitler speech, autotuned it and gave it a hot beat, it would be pumped in every club.

12. The older you get, the more you realize that you know nothing. When I was 21 and 22, I thought I knew it all. At 25 I realized I knew nothing. At 30, I'm just beginning to figure things out.

13. People don't necessarily reject Christ, but they reject religious dogma and religious people. Most people don't understand why Christ came, died and had to resurrect. So their lack of knowledge causes them to be cold toward Christ. They don't trust religion, but they want reconciliation. They want hope.

14. Every day, there are people around us hurting in some way, going through some sort of trial. We don't realize it because we aren't sensitive to it. Most of the time we're self-focused. I know I am. I've missed many opportunities to show compassion.

15a. I loved the 80s, but we didn't know how to dress then. Just watch an old episode of The Cosby Show and look at Theo, Denise or Vanessa.

15b. I loved the 90s, but we didn't know how to dress then. Just watch an old episode of The Cosby Show and look at Theo, Denis or Vanessa (let's hope Cross Colours never makes a comeback).

16. Women of all races and ethnicities are beautiful. I spent a day at JFK airport in the international terminal and saw some of the most beautiful women from the Middle East, Europe, Africa, Asia, India, South America. I truly admire God's female creation, and would marry a woman of any ethnicity.

17. Too many blacks are blindly Democrat and too many Christians are blindly Republican. Politics is a game, and most of us are being played.

18. We are either pursuing happiness or pursuing purpose. Most people pursue happiness, yet are never satisfied. When we pursue purpose, we are fulfilled.

19. Without God, life makes no sense. You know it. Philosophers since Socrates have been trying to figure it out.

20. Never lie to your father when the evidence is on your shirt.

21. Time heals hurts and losses.

22. In a relationship, women need (quality) time. Men need respect. In short, women need their emotions stroked, men need their egos stroked. A man loves a woman who makes him feel like a man (and that has nothing to do with sex).

23. We will never be anything in life unless we step out our comfort zones.

24. Life's not only short, but it's fragile. So how do we respond? By valuing the things that last (matter most) and devaluing the things that don't last (matter least). Example, what matters most: Obeying God; people, family, friends, the poor, your body. What matters least: money, your image, your job, the car you drive, entertainment, sports.

25. When you follow God, He'll tell you to do some stuff that makes absolutely no sense. The test is, will we obey Him, even when it seems there's no benefit for us.

26. We can never repay our parents for what they did for us. I have five nieces and nephews and I've occasionally changed them, fed them, carried them, and twice recently, had one vomit on me. Children are so dependent. Props to Michael & Linda for putting up with me.

27. Speaking of parents...they we're right. I thought they were too old-fashioned and conservative when I was a teenager but in hindsight, they were absolutely right.

28. It's not what you know, it's who you know. Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't lived long enough.

29. What we hate about other people is really what we hate about ourselves.

30. Life is not about me.

The Process of working on a dream

2009-08-02T15:38:00.006-04:00

Well, it's been a long time coming, but Transparency Magazine has finally launched at Transparencymag.com. It's been a long process, not only getting the site together, but birthing this vision and dream.

The concept has been floating in my mind since 2001 (I know, a long time ago), but I really didn't take any action until 2007, when I started this blog. There were several reasons for the wait, and much of it is attributed to The Process. The Process is both negative and positive. It includes procrastination and inspiration, fear and fortitude, premature longings and slow maturation, setbacks and successes, complacency and discontent. Taken all together, the elements of The Process equal growth.

For me, the hardest part was the first step. It's the fear of the unknown. I really didn't know how to do it, how to start a magazine/business. But the truth is, none of us know how to do anything for the first time. Any entrepreneur, first-year teacher, college freshman, new mother or first-time home buyer is just fumbling through, learning on the go. That's part of The Process. That's part of life. And we can't be afraid to learn. We can't be afraid to live life. So I took a step, like I mentioned in one of my first posts (Re-creating Yourself).

Sometime at the beginning of this year, I took a personal evaluation of my life, something I try to do each new year. And I came to grips with the fact that I'm a finite being. And that someday, I'm going to take my last breath. Though there's several things I'd like to do (and need to do) before that day comes (whenever it is), I knew that if I died without even trying to pursue this dream, it would be a huge regret. So I decided whatever it took, whatever it cost, I was going make it happen...'cause time and money mean nothing when it comes to fulfilling a longing in your soul.

The launch of this online magazine is just a step in the fulfillment of a dream. It's not the fulfillment yet, because a dream is measured by the lives it impacts, and that's yet to be seen. Likewise, it's foolish to think we know the completion of our dreams. And if we do, we're likely dreaming too small.

No one can out-dream God. His plans for our lives are quite ridiculous. So much so - I believe - that He only reveals a portion or certain level of what our dreams are set to accomplish. Our finite minds probably couldn't handle the full scope.

We're all dreamers....I know because just by sharing The Process with a few friends, they opened up about the aspirations of their hearts. There is a dream in you. And as Richard M. DeVos, billionaire and co-founder of Amway, said: "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."

Please, start working on a dream, the world needs it. Here's a little further inspiration from a wonderful speech from Steve Jobs .

Bubba burgers, Iraq and natural-born burdens

2009-06-22T03:10:00.000-04:00

Last week, I decided to have a midweek, after-work cookout, just a small gathering of friends on a Tuesday--the only dry day in the forecast since New Jersey has all of a sudden turned into Seattle, city of rain. It was a pretty good turnout, since my guests seemingly saw it as an opportunity to break up the monotony of the work week with friends, food and the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. While I was grilling some burgers, one my buddies, who recently returned from Iraq, mentioned that most people in the world can't do this. "Do what?" I asked. Well, simply get some burgers, gather some friends and grill in the backyard, he explained. He said that this simple, ordinary convenience for us is just not available to most people. Even if they wanted to, they can't do it...this luxury doesn't exists to them.

Now I consider myself fairly grateful for what I have, knowing it's all a blessing. And I'm pretty conscious of the world outside America and Western culture. However, the conversation caused me to pause and consider the life I've been given. We went on to discuss the poverty he saw in Iraq how the people didn't choose that lifestyle. The families living in the scrap homes out there, they were born into that situation. Before they had a breath, they were bound for a life in an impoverished area. And as I flipped over a few burgers, we pondered the age-old question: Why? Why weren't we born in that situation? And why were they? Why was I born in one of the most prosperous nations on this planet? Why was I born into a strong, loving, middle-class American family with almost every opportunity available to me? Why?

Life's deep questions are often too daunting for us to deduce...especially when distracted by grill smoke. But I have visited this subject before. I believe we are all marked with purpose, and are equipped to navigate life in the environment in which we find ourselves. But why do some of us inherit more favorable circumstances than others? Well, I have theories, very plausible ones, but none of them that make the discrepancies between the "have" and "have-nots" any easier to bear...because sometimes, life just isn't fair.

I think the key lesson from the conversation with my friend is to make the most of the life we've been given -- savoring those simple yet singular pleasures like a barbeque with friends -- and at the same time being conscious of those who don't have our fortune. And that consciousness must drive us to compassionate action. To whom much is given, much is required. That's a burden in a way. Not only because it requires sacrifice, but balance. Balancing excess and remorse. Either way, it's a responsibility I've been given...I was born into it. We are all interconnected, and decency calls us to do our part providing for the less fortunate. No, we can't rid the world of all the economic and ethical imbalances. And I alone can only do so much. But one thing I cannot do, I cannot live with, is doing nothing.

Little ways to help:

TOMS Shoes

Metro Ministries

Lifewater

Compassion International

Blood: water mission

California love: What we can learn from Miss California Carrie Prejean

2009-04-24T02:56:00.008-04:00

Earlier this week when logged on to my comcast homepage, I watched the video clip of Miss California Carrie Prejean's response to a question about gay marriage by contestant judge Perez Hilton during the Miss America pageant (by the way, does anyone still pay attention to that event?). After watching it, I knew it would be a matter of, say, hours before it took off as a hot news topic for the better part of the week. Not that it's not newsworthy, I guess something has to break up the 24-hour news analysis about the CIA released torture memos, CNN scaring the hell out us with coverage of Mexican drug cartels, and the latest news on the economy (by the way, there's nothing new).

So throughout the week, the left chimed in on whether Prejean should've been more politically correct on the controversial topic, while the conservative right anointed Prejean as a younger, prettier, more to tolerable Ann Coulter.

Personally, I applaud the California girl. Outside of any political agenda, it's good to see someone deciding not to straddle the fence and express his/her convictions, regardless of whether it's popular or not. Did it cost her the Miss America crown? Maybe, maybe not. But one thing it didn't cost her was her conscience.

I think we all can learn a lesson from Miss California--whether you agree with her or not. All of us, at some time or another, will find ourselves in situations where we'll feel pressure to make the popular choice, or go along with the perceived prerogative of the majority. In fact, this is common. We've been feeling peer pressure since we were in pull-ups. Too often our choice has been the one of least resistance, going along with the masses in an effort not to make waves. We've made the easy decision so often that as adults, we've dulled the daring edge that has been deposited in our souls. I know because I've been a primary culprit, fearing rejection and settling for the standard rather that standing out.

Yet, in recent years I've been, say, becoming me. Gaining a more complete comfort and confidence in who I am....it's liberating. Because I've realized that if you try to fit in somewhere, then you really don't belong there. Now it's not easier being yourself and standing out, but it is better. When I look back on the times that I cowered to the crowd, it was easy in the moment, yet haunting in the long term, because I had to live with myself when I was away from everyone....you can't shake your conscience. But in those times when I chose confrontation over crowd-pleasing, I had peace...and still do. And I believe that's the case with Carrie Prejean. She may not have won the pageant, but she won the battle, the battle within.

By the way, does any remember who ended up winning the crown anyway?

"Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened."

-Billy Graham

Trippin' over guilt trips

2009-01-21T03:38:00.000-05:00

Family gatherings can be dangerous. Yeah it's great to get together to share laughs and love, but sooner or later, people start to tell stories of yesteryear. Sure it's fun to travel down memory lane of your childhood and reminisce with your siblings about all the crazy stuff you guys used to do. But, there are also plenty of embarrassing stories. Mine is the infamous "spaghetti tale." And apparently, no talk of my childhood is complete without it. Here's what went down: One night, when I was about 5, mom cooked up spaghetti for dinner (by the way, mom makes the best spaghetti this side of Sicily). Later that night, around the witching hour, when everyone was sleep, I crept to the kitchen for another, unauthorized helping of the aforementioned spaghetti...actually, I stuck my head in the fridge and hand-fed myself some of the meat sauce. As soon as I was satiated and closed the fridge, the kitchen light came on and my dad was standing there, looking rather menacing in his PJs. Then he asked: "Kevin, have you been eating the spaghetti?" Trap question. If I told the truth, then I would be in trouble...yet if I lied, would he really buy it? Of course this dilemma was too daunting for a 5-year-old, so I instinctively responded "no." Not a bad response...if there hadn't been pasta sauce dripping down the front of my white T-shirt! Needless to say, what proceeded was the worst beating of my life.

Fessing up has never been easy. It's like surrendering your fate without a fight. Maybe honesty brought leniency, but I wouldn't know since I didn't choose that path too much. It just seemed like admitting a wrong brought inevitable punishment, not to mention humiliation and shame. Concealment seems easier than confession. At least that's what comes natural to us (see: Adam & Eve, circa the beginning of time). I guess old habits die hard, because I brought that same mind-set into my relationship with Christ. In a faith built on forgiveness, I still find it hard sometimes to face my (heavenly) Father.

It's not that I'm trying to hide something from God -- and really, has anyone ever been successful doing that? -- it's more of a guilt complex. I'm flawed. And I'm perpetually in the process of trying to fix my flaws. But some of them persists, and therein lies the problem. How can I be forgiven for this...again? How can I admit to this...again? So I don't. I live with this complex, knowing that He knows that I screwed up, but not coming to Him. So the relationship is severed, not because of my sin, but because of my shame.

These guilt trips are a trip. Cause the longer I stay on them, the farther I get from God. If I'd come to Him with my fault right away, I'd start fresh right away. Instead, I wallow in regret for a week, wishing the weight could lift off me. It's a rather silly predicament when you think about it, but it's all too common, because we perceive God the wrong way. We tend to think of Him in human terms, so it's hard for us to comprehend someone accepting us after we screw up so many times. But God knows who He's dealing with, and for some reason, He delights in us coming to Him to get cleaned up. So this year, I vowed to get off the guilt trips, and go straight to God. That's what He's always wanted anyway. No more trippin'.

What I've become in '08

2008-12-29T02:49:00.008-05:00

'08. What did I learn? What did I live? What was accomplished? What was wasted? What will I regret? What will I cherish? How did I love? How did I hurt? How did I overcome? What have I become?

Those are loaded questions, and, in sense, it was a loaded year. Not when I think about it on the surface...there were some common themes and common failures in my life this year, and I thought I could accurately and succinctly share them here, but looking back in my journal of the past 12 months, I was overwhelmed. Because a year can be overwhelming. I always said that a lot can go down in a year...but it's also true that a lot goes up and down (i.e. the stock market). I guess I'm like most people, that throughout our lives we have ups and downs, sort of like a rollercoaster. I've always recognized this in my life spiritually, but now I realize it permeates all areas of my life--emotionally, socially, professionally, mentally. And in a way, it epitomized 2008.

It's funny what you learn about yourself when you journal. Reviewing past entries, I read of days of great inspiration followed by woe and melancholy. I would document so-called "life-changing experiences," only to read about myself a month or two later when nothing's changed. I've probably gained the greatest understanding of God's grace this year, yet have never felt more condemned. I loved my job in the spring, yet could barely tolerate another day of it in November. I spent too much money at times, yet probably should have purchased more at others. Yeah, it's been a year of contradictions and extremes.

So what does it all mean? What could I have really learned when I repeated mistakes? Could I have grown when progress seemingly was nullified by steps back? Am I any different from the end of '07? I have to be...because too much has happened... too much has been learned. This rollercoaster has either helped me or hardened me. I believe it's the former. And it's prepared me for '09.

Atheists (and humanists) say the darndest things

2008-10-23T00:51:00.019-04:00

Gotta love the Brits. Earlier this week, the British Humanist Association, partnering with prominent atheist professor Richard Dawkins, announced a campaign to run ads on London buses which read: "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life."

Interesting.

So far, I haven't heard of any significant uproar or backlash about the prospect of blasphemy being printed on public transportation vehicles (if it were in the U.S., religious groups and FoxNews would raise hell).

As a Christian, I really didn't take any offense at this ad... I mostly found it kinda strange. It's perplexing to me because the first statement is totally contradicted by the argument in the second sentence. To say that "there's probably no God" so we should "stop worrying and enjoy life" assumes that belief in God produces fear, worry and despair. Huh. That's funny, because when I began to have faith in God I stopped worrying and enjoyed my life.

The problem is, the BHA and professor Dawkins have an inaccurate perception of God or, to them, the concept of God. Chances are, as is the case with professor Dawkins, they had a religious experience or upbringing rooted in tradition, rules and rigidness where God played the role of taskmaster and faith was a fine line to toe in order to escape torment. So of course, someone ingrained with that dogma would walk around worried about going to hell, and live a miserable existence.

But the truth is, knowing there's a God, a loving God, frees us from fear, worry and despair. The core value of Christianity is forgiveness through faith in Jesus Christ. And that frees us from fear of judgement, inspires us to love and gives life meaning. So the humanists and atheists can argue to death against the existence of God. But to say belief in God causes worry and prevents one from enjoying life? Well, I beg to differ. But don't just take my word for it...

"I came that (you) may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance."

-Jesus the Christ, John 10:10

Waiting for what?

2008-08-18T00:59:00.008-04:00

"I'm trying to make you feel, that this is for real, that life is happening, and it means everything..."
-David Crowder Band, "I'm Trying to Make You Sing"

2008 has been a year of challenges. Not necessarily great trials (though there have been some of those), but more of a summons to step up, man up, and live life. Realize I'm alive, this is my life, and this is the only shot I get at it. I guess I just kind of paused one day, realized that I'm 28 years old, and wondered where the last three or so years of my life went. Not that I've been unproductive, or I haven't learned and grown tremendously. But I realized that time really does fly, and furthermore, it stops and slows for no one. And as I look back on the blur of the last several years, I see dreams left dormant. Abandoned? "No, of course not," I tried to convince myself, "I'd never do that. It's just waiting for the right time...you know, waiting on God." Funny thing is, God's been asking: "What are you a waiting for?"

It's so easy to let life monotonously trudge along as we get lost in the daily grind of work and responsibility. We may be advancing in our careers, building a family, taking care of our finances and even growing spiritually. But are we living the life we intended, or the one that just happens? (Selah, pause, think on that.) Unfortunately, I've been doing the latter.

So God has challenged me in the last month: to sit down, write my dreams, set goals and go after them. No matter how big...no matter how challenging. He told me don't try to figure out how. Just dream, trust, do. Cause life is happening ... what are you waiting for?

BET, Lil Wayne and searching for God

2008-06-29T23:46:00.002-04:00

I was watching the BET Awards the other night (note: though I hardly ever tune into the network except to watch its only decent series, American Gangster ... okay, I admit it, I get a chuckle out of Hell Date on occasion) and tuned in just in time to see Alica Keys perform, actually the only reason I checked out the show. After a few hours I made a couple of conclusions: 1. Coonery is alive and well in the form of T-Pain, and 2. Kanye West continues to find it necessary to convince the audience (and himself) that he's the greatest thing since two turntables and a mic.

But aside from that, I was kinda, well, intrigued by rapper Lil Wayne accepting his award and declaring: "I'm nothing without God." We sort of get accustomed to athletes and artists acknowledging God after a victory, despite their lifestyle or lyrics. Now I'm not judging Lil Wayne--heck, I don't know him ... just don't like his music. Yet, it caused me to think: What god is he talking about? Does he mean Christ? Another faith? Or, like many others, is he speaking in generic terms, acknowledging an omnipotent creator, yet with no specifics as to who He is?

For most of us (the 92 percent of Americans who believe in God according to a recent Pew research poll), we have an innate sense or conviction that, yes, there is a God. Yet, many don't want to embrace traditional religious concepts of God. So, individually, we have these spiritual journeys--most of the time with little depth--where we settle on a safe concept of a creator. Acknowledging that there's someone up there who gives us life, yet having no desire to know more about Him.

I think that too many people stop short. Maybe afraid of being too religious & flaky if they delve any deeper into the mystery of divinity. Maybe too confused to choose from the assortment of spiritual paths available. Maybe too lazy to find answers for their longing soul. Or maybe, too afraid of the life changes they may be challenged to make in knowing their creator.

Most of us have been at these crossroads, even if just for a moment, or phase of our lives. Despite a Christian upbringing, for much of my life I didn't know God...I just knew about Him. I encountered opportunities to truly connect with Him, yet was held back by many of the aforementioned excuses. And even my initial conversion was of the shotgun wedding sort (God playing the role of the furious father-in-law armed with an AK of eternal damnation) as I said the salvation "I do" to save may a--, I mean soul.

But I knew if God existed, and I sure acted as if He did when I was in a mess, I should to get to know Him, sincerely. And that realization started me on a journey. Not one where I searched every philosophy and ideology, but where I simply walked the path laid before me and listened for His guidance. He spoke and He guided. And what I learned was both logical and spiritual, and above all, tangible. As I continue to hear, learn and experience Him, my prayer is that every one who acknowledges God -- from Lil Wayne to Alicia Keys-- doesn't stop at His existence, but digs deeper and seeks a life-long experience. He speaks and He guides.

Not afraid to live

2008-01-14T01:38:00.000-05:00

"Every man dies. But not every man lives." - William Wallace, Braveheart

I've always admired courage. It's inspiring. Whether it's taking a stand for a cause in the face of stiff odds, or actually putting your life on the line, courage is a rare and respectable trait. I've contemplated this in recent months because of two people's courage I'm in awe of. And coincidentally, they're both from the Middle East.

One is Benazir Bhutto, the former prime minister of Pakistan who was assassinated Dec. 27. I had never heard of her until this past October when she was returning from 8-plus years of exile to Pakistan, in attempts to be elected prime minister again. In a nutshell, she touted democracy, Al Qaida had already said they were going to kill her, and she narrowly escaped two attempts on her life within the first two months of her return. But this woman was crazy. She campaigned in public, staged rallies...she was an easy target. It was almost like you knew it was just a matter of time before she was killed. I remember watching TV wondering, 'Is it really worth it lady?' I mean she studied at Harvard and Oxford, she had connections, she could have lived a safe, well-off life in a Western nation. But she was intent on going back to Pakistan.

The other person is a pastor who spoke at my church last year. He's a Christian living in a Muslim nation; his church had already been bombed, injuring his wife. But he's still there, making disciples. He has a business, he could set up shop in America, even come here and be a minister. But he and his family live under the threat of death daily. Why?

That's the question I asked myself. I thought, "Man, these people aren't afraid to die." But that's not it. The guy who shot Benazir Bhutto and then blew himself up wasn't afraid to die. The Virginia Tech shooter wasn't afraid to die. The all-too-common case of a guy killing his estranged wife/girlfriend & their children, then killing himself--he isn't afraid to die. The truth is, suicide bombers, school shooters and the like--they're afraid to live. But Benazir Bhutto, she wasn't afraid to live. That pastor from the Middle East...he's not afraid to live. And that's what defines true courage.

That's why their stories have touched my soul. Because I'm a witness to courage. I'm a witness to what it means to live, even in the face of death. And I realize in what ways I've lacked the courage to truly live. How I've failed to stand up. How I've failed to step out. And how I've been afraid to fail...afraid to take chances...afraid to live.

Their lives inspire me...inspire me to live. To live beyond my fears, beyond my insecurities, beyond my familiarities...beyond myself. I'm reminded of a Winston Churchill quote I like: "Success is not final. Failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts." To me, that means that it's not about succeeding or failing, it's about trying. And ultimately, it's about living.

Every man dies. But not every man lives.

On New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-29T00:45:00.000-05:00

I'm not big on New Year's resolutions. The whole media hype behind starting the New Year off right only to flop 3-6 weeks later is not inspiring. I've been one to make goals for the new year instead (essentially the same concept with different terminology). In recent years, the goals have been very similar, with an apparent similar result--disappointment. As I look at the January 1 entry in my journal and then try to see how I measure up 51.5 weeks later, I fail. Deja vu. I know I'm not the only one. Whether you resolve to lose weight, gain weight, eat healthier, save more money, spend more wisely, spend more time with your kids, work less, love more, gossip less, stop renting, start owning, pick up more books, put down the remote, chances are you've fallen short (or will fall short) of your goal.

I think we all have the capacity to accomplish resolutions, it's just that, innately, they go against our will. We don't want to exercise, we like eating crap, we like buying things, we don't have time for other people's problems--we're lazy, selfish people for the most part. So what happens is we set this ideal, and expect to miraculously transform our lives into that ideal in 12 short months. Change doesn't happen overnight, and sometimes, it doesn't happen overyear.

We shouldn't base the success of a year on whether or not we reached that ideal...Oftentimes we look at January and December to see if we changed, when the real story of the year lies in the moments hidden between February and November. My goals for 2007 were to grow more intimate with God and to live more humbly. The fact is, my relationship with God doesn't stack up to what I hoped for back in January. Yet as I flipped through my journal, randomly reading entries throughout the year, I found flashes of hope that reminded me of how God indeed used me and spoke to me. And I look back on all I've been through this year, and where I am now, and what I know now, I realize I've grown...maybe not as fast or as much or even how I wanted to, but I'm getting there. And maybe I'll get there easier knowing that I don't have to get there within a year.

Re-defining Humility

2007-10-31T03:50:00.000-04:00

Man, humility has always been a challenge for me. When I first came to Christ, one of the first flaws I noticed in myself was pride. A concealed pride at that. You know, the kind that doesn't boast verbally, but sure makes you think a heckuva a lot of yourself. Well, I hated it. And I was determined to purge myself of it in order to please God.

So I sought humility. Read the scriptures, bought the books, prayed the prayers. But during the quest - obsessed with judging my every thought - I found myself mentally pointing my finger at other people's pride. Furthermore, I got caught in the trap of false humility, when you can't even accept a compliment without saying something to depreciate the praise (i.e. "Oh, no, no, no. Not me. I'm not all that"). In reality, it just reinforces pride by making yourself appear humble to others. It's crazy, I was trying to obtain humility via prideful means.

But I'm learning that I can't obtain humility any more than I can obtain salvation...they're gifts. Humility is about being, not achieving... Being who He's already made me. And as I realize, more and more, who I am in Him....it's humbling.

In vain

2007-10-12T03:21:00.000-04:00

One my favorite writers has quote on his site from Henry Thoreau that says: "How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live." I always thought that was powerful, and examined my own life as a writer, sifting it through the spirit of that quote to see if I'm fit to sit down and write a communique on a paticular topic. In principle, it sounds logical and fair...yet in reality, I may never write a word following that premise.

Like many people, I'm my own biggest critic. Which makes sense since no one on this earth knows me better than I know myself. I see my flaws, I see how I fall short on a daily basis. How can someone who struggles to share his faith verbally, sit down and share it literally? How can I write about being transparent yet be hesitant to open up to friends and family? How can I write about taking risks when, too often, I stay in my comfort zone?

The truth is, I'm not qualified to write...not according to Thoreau. I could wait til I've stood up to all my fears, then sit down and write to tell you how to overcome. I could wait til I'm free from insecurity, then write the 10 steps to walking in complete confidence. I could wait til I'm married with a cute house and 2.5 kids then write about getting "the life you always wanted." But if I waited til I obtained all the virtues, gained the knowledge and became an expert, then I'd truly be writing in vain. There's a great principle in 2 Corinthians 12:9 where God says: "My grace is sufficient for you; My strength is made perfect in your weakness." It is out of my struggles, my frailty, those areas in which I don't have the strength to stand up in, that God gives me the grace to sit down and write through.

Losing my religion

2007-09-12T03:47:00.000-04:00

Yup, the title to that old R.E.M song. Wasn't into them that much, so I don't really know what the song was about, though it had a catchy hook. But for me, "Losing my religion" is a process I've been going through the past year or so....sort of a purging you might say. And the key word of the phrase is my.

There are many different connotations of religion --some negative, some positive. There's what the Bible calls "pure religion" (taking care of orphans & widows and being unspotted from the world); and there's religion viewed as rigid, traditional, strict and formulaic. I've always been instructed and inclined to avoid the latter expression of religion in my faith walk, convinced & confident that true spirituality was a relationship with God, which I had .... until my relationship became religious.

I would have never expected it to happen to me, but looking back, I see I how it did. See in relationships, such as a romantic one, there are certain actions that draw you closer to each other and express your love -- for example, phone conversations (and text messages), dates, flowers and love letters, all that good stuff. Now, as a relationship matures those actions can grow stale if the individuals focus on the actions of affection instead of the object of affection. That's what happened to me. For years I tried to perfect a pattern that would make me a strong Christian: daily Bible study, prayer, worship, confession and intercession. Necessary disciplines? Yes. Conducive to spiritual growth? Absolutley. But what happens when on most mornings you fall asleep face-first in the Bible...and in the middle of prayer your mind wanders for 30 minutes and you lose your train of thought. See, the disciplines got me to a certain stage in my spiritual walk, but depending on them as some magical faith formula eventually failed me. I hit a wall. And my daily routine became more of a burden than a blessing. I had created a rigid, monotonous religion.

So I've been in a new process, one of unlearning. One of habit-breaking. Understanding that God simply wants heart-to-heart conversations rather than me reciting scripture. He rather have 30 seconds of honesty than 30 minutes of rhetoric I call worship. I'm learning to delight in the Object of my affection in a disciplined freedom. I think author Donald Miller summed it up best in his book Searching for God Knows What":

"Some would say formulas are how we interact with God, that going through motions and jumping through hoops are how a person acts out his spirituality. This method of interaction, however, seems odd to me because if I want to hang out with my friend Tuck, I don’t stomp my foot three times, turn around and say his name over and over like a mantra, lighting candles and getting myself in a certain mood. I just call him. In this way, formulas presuppose God is more a computer or a circus monkey than an intelligent Being. I realize that sounds harsh, but it is true."

So true. And I finally get it. Yet every day, I still need to be reminded to lose my religion.

Re-creating yourself

2007-08-28T02:15:00.000-04:00

Procrastination...Probably one of the most self-destructive forces on earth. It's a silent killer, because it's passive and self-imposed. It slowly and methodically kills dreams, guts visions, detours and even destroys destinies. I know because I'm a victim. I guess the first step to recovery is recognizing it...and realizing that you are the only one who can stop it.

I guess I battle the big "P" in many areas of my life, and the impetus is usually fear. Fear of failure mainly, and to avoid failure, you simply don't try...do nothing and you're guaranteed not to fail (nor will you succeed, but that's another discussion). And thus enters procrastination.
The evil of procrastination I've recently confronted is its attack on re-creating. Let me explain. I'm finishing up reading a book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, and in it is a prayer of Gen. Douglas MacArthur which says:

"Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will ... a victory of courage over timidity ...A man doesn't grow old because he has lived a certain number of years. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle his skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul."

My soul had been wrinkled because I deserted my ideal. Procrastination had driven me from re-creating myself. Basically what re-creates you is what gives you life, what makes you feel ALIVE. For me, it's writing. It's a process that's frustrating but incredibly fulfilling. And, it allows me to be a vessel that God can speak through and communicate to others. Yet, I stifled this process through procrastination...too concerned about how to start?, who would read it? and would it be worth it?

Well, I've come to the point where the risk is worth unwrinkling my soul. And step 1 was starting this blog. Hopefully you continue to join me on this journey of re-creating, and discover for yourself what makes you come alive.

What is Transparency?

2007-08-20T23:54:00.000-04:00

Well, it's a work in progress. Something that's been brewing in my heart and mind for years. And now, it's manifested through a blog...just the first step of, hopefully, something much greater.

To be transparent means to be open, frank, candid; without guile or concealment. In the Apostle Paul's first letter to the Thessalonians, he says, "So, being tenderly and affectionately desirous of you, we continued to share with you not only God's gospel, but also our own lives as well, for you had become so very dear to us" (2:8). Paul and his team not only preached the gospel, but they were open, frank and candid with the Thessalonians...they shared their souls...they were transparent.

Life is about relationships with people and the gospel is about a relationship with God. Both require transparency to be healthy. Likewise, the two are intertwined, as a divine relational gospel must be communicated in a relational way. Paul, in expressing his love of God, was compelled by love of the people to share his life, his heart, his soul.

So Transparency is about the the same thing: People compelled by love to share our lives in hope of changing lives. Essentially it's a community of sharing. It ain't about me. I welcome comments, links, posts in order that we all may grow on this journey. I look forward to sharing my heart with you. God bless.